Letting yourself trust again

[Losingbattle]

So me and my abusive ex have been separated a few years now. I’m with someone new who I’ve been seeing (detail removed by Moderator) now. We don’t live together, there’s a (detail removed by Moderator) mile distance in fact and I see him once a week although we do have a holiday coming up together. He’s been hurt in the past so we both are very protective of how much we involve our kids. He’s a great guy, he’s apologetic when he’s in the wrong, respectful etc. Im just struggling at the moment. I keep overthinking situations. Worrying that he’s going to end the relationship or do something to hurt me. I don’t want my anxiety to push him away. My ex destroyed me and over the past 2yrs I’ve found my confidence. How do I train my brain to not overthink and assume the worst

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Losingbattle

Time does a lot to heal and recover, and also learning bit by bit that this may be a man you can trust, you can’t rush that, its going to be hard, and you will automatically rush to the pattern you have been forced to develop during abuse.

Did you ever try the Freedom Programme, as they do another more recovery sort of course after that, more towards rebuilding yourself, and once you know the tactics, how to spot them, you can trust yourself to know the flags well, some of it will be about changing those learnt patterns.

You have done extremely well to get to this point and be long into a different and new relationship. Congratulations for coming so far! Some find therapy helpful, but at the end of the day, its all going to be about you and your new boyfriend learning and growing through this by trusting each other bit by bit.

warmest wishes

ts

[Eggshells]

It’s something that takes time but try to practice living in the moment. You might separate and he might hurt you. Equally he may never hurt you and you may be together long into the future. A crystal ball would be really helpful but unfortunately there is no peering into the future. Be aware of any emergent behaviours but don’t wait for them. Today you are happy and things with him are good so just focus on today. Worry about the future when it finally arrives. xx

[Losingbattle]

Living in the moment would be fantastic. It’s like trying to teach myself to walk again. My ex did all the typical n**********c things including love bombing etc. And at the time it seemed romantic, we were living together within 2months. My current relationship is so much different. Nearly 2 years together, don’t live with each other nor has it been discussed. Obviously I know there’s several factors, the distance from each other and of course the kids. Both our children have been through a lot emotionally etc. I am happy but there’s always the fear. What if he decides to go back to his kids mum? What if he decides to find a woman that lives closer? Etc all worries that pop up. Of course I suffer from anxiety which began years ago around the time I got with my ex so it does play a part in my overthinking. I have started talking about things more now. Occasionally I open up about these things with my partner but I still hold a lot back so as not to completely bombard him. We don’t get a lot of time together so I try keep time spent as positive as possible

[Author]

Posts