• This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Anonymous.
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    • #17069
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      He collared me in the kitchen earlier and pinned me against the wall and my friend walked in and he let me go. It was quite obvious that something was going on as I had red marks on my neck and although I said he was just messing about she said that she is contacting adult safeguarding and the police because she didn’t believe me. I think I persuaded her out of it but what if she does I can’t face them again it has been a very short while since they closed. Why do other people feel the need to jump in it just makes things worse? I have already lied to her and I don’t want to have to lie to them too but what other choice do I have?

    • #17075
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I think she has a duty to report this. If she does not she lets you down.

    • #17076
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I don’t want her too it was my own fault. I was moaning at him. x

    • #17080
      Serenity
      Participant

      There is never an excuse for such treatment.

      Abusers make us victims scared and blame ourselves.

      As outsiders, believe us when we say your friend did the right thing 💜

    • #17086
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      It was something so trivial, I should not have moaned. She said when she left she wouldn’t but not so sure because she was pretty annoyed. x

    • #17088
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      It’s not her fault or yours, what he’s done to you is not right. And as a friend she trying to help you. If I were you, you should let her help you and tell the truth. Most of every women moan. It is normal to moan, but it is not normal and not right you get collared and pinned onto the wall. You will thank her if you let her help you.

      Hugs
      MP X

      • #17099
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi, I know she only wants to help and I appreciate her looking out for me but we have had been reported so many times in the last year it is now becoming a joke. I don’t blame her at all and if she does I will accept it because I know it is because she cares but I would much rather she didn’t. I know he was out of order but i did witter on when I didn’t need to. xx

    • #17106
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      Hi,
      I live with my abuser nearly (detail removed by Moderator), I didn’t give up, keep on trying hope he will realise what his done to me is not right, I kept on fighting no matter how hurt it is, I know and feel how unhappy I am, I was humiliated, abused, disrespected which I know it is my right as human being to be treated otherwise.
      Even when I left him just because I have no choice. He cheated on me and beat me because I ask him to choose leave me or leave her. Once he said he wanted both of us, Rediculous!!
      Even after I report him I try to find the way out to get him away from his responsible, I still trying to fix everything . On the other hand he doesn’t even feel guilty for beating me. He still playing with my mind.
      With no contact, not even his friends or family I finally realise that what he’s done is not right and has been destroying my self respect, my confident, my life. And finally realise that I have to stop caring about him and started to look after my self. All my effort to protect him, looking after him it’s a waste of time. He abuse me right from the start of our relationship and has stop for couple of years but only matter of time he back abused me physically. And when I think back he never did stop abusing me mentally because that what he do.
      Only you know how he is, but please be truth to your self and be kind to your self. Why would you let someone do such thing? Mostly when you care so much about this person? Get your self away from that kind of person, the damage will only get worse. Read some books about narcissistic and psychopath. May be you will realise you put your self in danger mentally and physically. Look inside you, love that person, your self. You have done nothing wrong, and don’t deserve to be pinned and collared.
      Most lady in this forum has been through your situation years and years and we all understand why you still with him. We all are wishing we left our abuser sooner.
      Big hugs
      MP

    • #17109
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      I meant nearly decade I live with my abuser.

      • #17115
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi Millionpieces, I am so very pleased that you got out. My situation is a little different to everyone else because it is my son rather than a partner. I have lived with an abusive partner and got out but I was able to cut all contact. In this case I can only see that to be free I have to cut all contact but that will never happen as he will always be tied to me because of family. I hope that he may move on eventually of his own free will so I do not have that time of increased risk. He has made many threats and I would put nothing past him. Plus like so many people I cave the moment he gets upset. He is an adult he scares, infuriates and drives me up the wall but as his mum I love him and still have hope that he may change xx

    • #17119
      Millionpieces
      Participant

      I’m so sorry I didn’t realise that is your son. I understand if you keep standing by his side. Is there a chance for him to get counselling? I have conversations with friends few days ago. If we find anyone or any living creatures dehydrated we bring them some water is all we can do, is up to them wether they will drink, as we can’t force them to drink even we bring the water.
      Professional help will help him better? I am so sorry bot understanding the situation. And you are doing the right thing stand by his side but covering what his done which not right is may be not the right thing. I don’t have children so I would not understand more from my view. But he needs to know that what he did to you is not right. You are his own mother who carry him for 9 months in your womb. If he don’t respect you as his mother how will he respect other people? It’s must be a very hard situation for you. May be you can persuad him to do counselling?

      MP
      X

      • #17125
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi, Lots of people have tried to get him into therapy and he is now a man but he still refuses to engage. There is no shortage of people queueing up to help him but as you say I can lead him there but he wont drink the water as such. He is a man and when this started it was easier to report him and get him to understand there would be consequences as he was still under the juvenile system. They took him to court a few times but now it is different, back then he would admit what he did now he will lie and use anything he can to get out of the situation. He is untouchable in the eye of the law because it is my word against his. If I say he did this and he said I got a bruise from banging myself there is no proof different. He is very good at getting out of trouble. I have no faith in the agencies or the justice system but that is because after a long and lengthy involvement with them we got nowhere. I wish someone could help but I know they cant and it is too complicated for anyone to understand the position I am in. x

    • #17142
      Confused123
      Participant

      HI sweetie

      Sending u a massive hug out, its heartbreaking when our own son does this to us, i have experienced similar to u, totally get we are there mums and have hope they will change, i have been working with my son for 18 months, we get good days, weeks even months sometimes but then he always has an outburst now and again.I too like u struggle, in past i had reported him to police, made statements, again as he was young they try to avoid getting himm a criminal record and though by speaking and warning he would change, sadly they dont, they do make some progress but as u said loads of agencies ready to help but they wont take help. Sadly i beleive til they receive consquence they dont learn and possibly will still re offend. IN first 12 momths of leaving my ex, my son mirro ex behaviour was very intimatiding, even got sadly physcial , but like yours thinks he can get away and finds a way of getting away. Its horrible when friends say they are going to report them, again it prob would be for the best but we never lose the hope they might change. What helped me was joining a group called hope , it doesnt matter if your child is adult they will guide u how to deal with his behaviour, the program is called NVR. (NOn violent resisitant). I am currently on it and it has helped me so much , they teach u so many good techniques and u can actually see the change in yourself and your child, my child is nearly adult age too, private message me if u want an dcan guide u further

      • #17154
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi confused123, I have done the NVR with a family therapist one to one as I have issues with going out. It never worked for us,although it is a fantastic therapy that can make a real difference to families. Unfortunately the support worker who spent time at home with us stated in a meeting that she has witnessed me try every de-escalation technique she recommends and it has not worked. She threw her hands in the air at one point and said to my son in sheer frustration that it does not matter what your mum does she will never win will she and he said blatantly no. i have also spent time with MH workers who have told me that the likelihood of change is very slim. The most useful thing I was shown was a move to show me how to get out when he has his hands round my neck. He likes mind games mostly and the physical violence had slowed down a lot until recently. Although he never really hurt me today, I was more shocked at the force behind him grabbing me and the fact there was no real warning he just switched. I wonder if he would have gone further if my friend had not walked in but thankfully I never found that out. I am pleased the NVR is working for you I know a few people who have used this and it has done wonders. My son has never lived in an abusive environment I split with his dad while pregnant because he was violent and he has had very little to do with him over the years. x

    • #17157
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You need a hidden camera in your place. Would you do that?

    • #17219
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi, I have heard nothing so I am assuming it definitely was not reported to the police or safeguarding thank goodness. As for cameras I would need them everywhere x

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