Liars, liars liars…….

[KIP.]

Just wanted to remind ladies that above all else these abusers are liars. I know it sounds simple but I was brainwashed for decades into believing everything he said. Even after separating I still couldn’t accept that he was a liar, yet lies are what underpinned my whole relationship with my abuser. As time went on I discovered the lies were horrendous, from hiding money to adultery, to lying to our children and friends and police and courts. Normal decent people are not capable of such behaviour so it’s hard to get your head round. So everytime you engage with your abuser, remember when their lips are moving, the lies are coming out….. Never ever believe a word they say…..

[Goldengirl]

This is so true, Kip. It is exasperating to be told time and again that we need to prove this and that but they can say what they like without proof. The system is geared for these abusers and not there to protect us or our children.

[Serenity]

You’re right, KIP.

I remember you saying this when I first posted on the forum, and I’ve always reminded myself of it.

Flower Child used to say that if you listen very carefully, you’ll find that they are in fact talking about ( or telling you something about ) themselves! 😉

[deathangel]

This is what bends the mind. One minute they say one thing (and it is possibly really negative)…then when they are what I call “lucid” or saying sorry (for outburst/abuse, or trying to make everything right) they say something totally different, in direct opposition to the first thing. Which thing do you believe? Head-twisting and when you try and explain that everything is so confusing and you do not and cannot trust them, this is another thing that is used against you. It’s all just so awful. I agree, it is the long-term lies about the smallest and the biggest things that need to be remembered/noted. And the excuses as to why they are/were dishonest are equally pitiful. The favourite “you made me lie by asking so many questions and not trusting me!” WHAT?!

[Alicenotichains]

Good post. Yes it’s all a lie. The pretending to be nice when you first met them, minimising or denying subsequent abuse, cheating, telling people around them that you are the horrible one, it’s just one massive web of lies. Others accept the lies as the truth which then discredits your version of reality- you then feel isolated and judged.
Before I ended things with abuser 2 a phrase kept running through my mind…
” The truth will set you free”….
And it did. By acknowledging the truth that I was denying to myself everything changed- once the truth came out of my mouth and I told him the abuse was over the pains in my body went and I started to sleep better , once the truth about his history of DV came out I felt validated- he was an abuser and he had done it before- once I heard the vile things he was saying behind my back I realised that he was the one wth two faces- not me as he used to tell me- once I saw the truth it set me free and the lies and their power began to melt away.
The truth will set us all free Xx

[Anonymous]

Wow kip this is so very true. My last abuser were a compulsive liar. I never knew if he were telling the truth if ever. He actuallyturned round and said well everyone lies. And yes i actually believed him he were that good. They mess with your mind. Xx

[older lady]

My child’s father is a very convincing liar. He takes a situation in which he has been abusive and he changes it in his head and then he re-presents it to me in his ‘version’ in which there is no abuse. Years later he will say, ‘do you remember when…’ and deliver his version of that event to check out my memories. The ‘problem’ he has with me is that I haven’t learned my lessons and I still refuse to accept his version. I think what he does is he convinces himself that his story is so true that if he were to be asked about it, he would sound convincing to someone who doesn’t know him very well, or can’t get that close to him. However, years later and sometimes when I think he’s forgotten about our history, he’s talked about what he really thinks. What he says is deeply misogynistic. I’ve noticed a constant stream of hatred towards female colleagues, and the way he’ll always blame a woman for a man’s behaviour and he’ll bend the facts to fit his viewpoint. He genuinely seems proud of himself. It’s his twisted version of what he thinks a man should be.

[Nova]

sadistic liars is what they are..hateful to the inner core. Sniveling whingeing shifting the goalposts, blatantly lying to manipulate and control..I would say something about a situation, he’d tell me too my face…oh it didn’t happen like that!

…I’d question myself, job done! after a serious shouting match…I’d question his behaviour, what got you so uptight?…he’d say, I’m not uptight, (because he couldn’t find a excuse never mind a reason!)

..I’m fine, your the one who started that row…one of his favourites.. ‘We are both as bad as each other’…i’d think err no we are not as bad as each other, but I’d leave it hanging, as I didn’t want yet another screaming drama…and so silenced. all drama no substance, lying through his teeth, as he had nothing to say or offer, just lies, fabrications someone else’s (usually mine) opinion. All empty & pathetic.

Cx

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