Life after abuse

[Rabbitgirlyy]

So ive not been in the abusive relationship in over (removed by moderator) years and had no contact with him. I am now in a loving safe relationship with my forever person But I seem to randomly think about my ex and his new gf. I feel as if I need to check in on her socials to make sure she’s safe and he’s not hurting her. I understand its not my responsibility but I get really stressed about it. Like it’s all my fault for not reporting him. Then I stress. Anyone else had an experience like this?

[Lisa]

Hi Rabbitgirlyy,

First, welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a supportive place to be.

It’s great to hear you have managed to leave the abusive relationship and are now happy and well in a healthy one. Given your past experience with abuse, there could be some trauma you are still carrying and dealing with since you have left and that is perfectly normal. It’s also understandable that you would have concerns for his new partner. However, try and not burden yourself with feeling somehow responsible in any way, as it simply isn’t your responsibility to inform (and could potentially put you both at risk). Hopefully, this new partner of his will seek out the support she needs when it’s needed.

Also, if you ever reported his behaviour in the past to the police, it should be on record, and his new partner potentially could find this out by using Clare’s law. Information can be disclosed to her about any previous abusive or violent offending by the police. This can be a potential source of help for her to leave the relationship if she is sensing something is not right.

You may find it helpful for you to access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Do keep posting here as well. I’m sure many women can relate to how you are feeling.

Take care,

Lisa

[swanlake]

My abuser has a (detail removed by moderator) and I’d love to tell his (detail removed by moderator) to run to the hills and protect themselves!
Of course everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty and my abuser doesn’t have a conviction so people might not see the danger through his charm offensive. I’ve moved away from the local area and for all I know he’s still predating people. It’s really rubbish isn’t it.
If you see something concerning on the social media you might feel able to ask the police to do a welfare check, I don’t know if that would help you feel more in control. I’ve done this a couple of times with various neighbours and I hope that the police and social services have a gentle approach not one that riles up the abuser.
I have a few friends in abusive relationships and I often share things to do with abuse on my socials and try to spread the message of love and being an active bystander etc.

[Author]

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