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I’m trying to get my head straight that I’m doing right by ending this, he’s going to loose his home and living with the kids. It’s either it ends or I will go nuts.
Started with being jealous and difficult when drinking alcohol together. Then one time he was verbally abusive when out, he was drunk I wanna not. I no longer drink as I’m scared what will happen.
Then I tried to start my own business he stopped me as I worked from home. Dropped kids st school and hadn’t done washing up as working he came home and told me I should’ve done washing up first, he wa so angry he was spitting it was going all over me. I lost my nerve and gave up my business.
(detail removed by moderator).
Lots more horrible episodes with drink,our first wedding anniversary he was horrible and drunk and slept with kids not me.
He smokes pot every day and all day. If he doesn’t he’s nasty.
I feel like I have to try and keep house tidy, I have stopped going out to make sure I get things done.
I could go on and on.
Feel like I’m overreacting but I’m a mess and ending things really soon. It’s infront of kids sometimes and he’s nasty to them too. If you think this is abuse please tell me, it feels like it. I want to add I do not take drugs myself neither drink as mentioned.
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Verbal abuse (whether or not either party is drunk) is abuse.
Changing your behaviour by creating fear of the consequences is abuse. I also stopped drinking when I was with my abuser because I was afraid of what might happen – so afraid it made me physically ill. I am not a big drinker since I left, but I can have the occasional glass of something without fear. And that should be ok.
Sabotaging your career is abuse, both emotionally and financially. It’s another classic. I also used to work from home. To begin with I also worked rather than do housework, and received endless grief. In the end I had to do the housework first and then try to keep working once he was home. It was horrific.
Being consistently unkind on special occasions is also abuse. I am not saying that the occasional bad day on a special occasion means abuse, but if you look back and there are angry outbursts, disregard of your feelings, etc on very special occasion you can remember that definitely suggests abuse. My abuser put particular energy into ruining Christmas and my birthday. I hate to think what the wedding would have been like if I had gone through with it.
Isolation is classic abuse. Not going out because of fear of the consequences is something almost all of us have struggled with. It is sometimes hard to see that this comes from them – my ex always said that “he would never stop me from seeing friends”. But he never wanted to go out anywhere and he got upset when I went out without him, so I started choosing to stay home for an easier life.
I think that your partner is definitely abusive and hiding behind the flimsy excuse that it’s the drink and drugs that make him do it and that without them he is the person you love, so you stay. He isn’t a nice person. He is choosing to make your life hell. The problem isn’t the substance abuse. It is an issue, but the real problem is that he is an abuser, and while there is always a hope that an addict will get help there is very little hope that an abuser will stop abusing.
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When I’ve started my business from home first he looked really happy and supportive, but finally he was always angry that I spend a lot of time with my PC.
Since I started to go to gym, 2-3 times a week he tells that I always have time for this and never for him.
If I am on the phone – I also don’t spend my time with him.
There is no need to say that he spends his time on pc, mobile phone as much as he wants.
The true is they need to control you. And if they feel they are loosing control, they will press you until you give up.
You are loosing yourself and this is the first sign of abuse.
Take care x -
Would you do the things to him that he does to you Chocolatebunnie? That’s usually a good indicator of abuse. What these people do is break us down until we lose ourselves and so start to make excuses for their behaviour. This is all part of the plan. Just keep asking yourself, would I do this to him or to anyone else? You take care of yourself.
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