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I’ve been left for (detail removed by moderator) now and despite my insistence that things would never get better they have recently. I feel a lot more stronger and certain that I made the right decision. The police had said they would issue him with a Police Information Notification but they didn’t contact me to say they had but I think they have as he doesn’t seem as insistent about me having to talk to him about us. But he still manages to annoy me with little things which shouldn’t, like he still has to call me sweetheart or petal in texts or when he picks up the boys he always finishes with “I love you”. This really bugs me, it’s like he’s reaffirming that he’s never going to give up ( he told me this in texts the weeks after I left). I just feel like I’m never going to be done with this.
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Hi Mummyboo,
It is very reassuring to read that it does get better.
I am only in the beginning of getting out of a toxic relationship, and I can also relate to these type of comments that bug me: him texting that he was sorry not to kiss me goodbye (after a walk with our kids) or texting that he is my protector and never would hurt me.. as if he doesn’t accept that our relationship is over. It makes me feel that I need to start a conversation about it myself, but I feel that right now I am not ready for it yet.. -
Yes they will try to get under our skin. They do and say things to purposely annoy us and when we get annoyed and irritated (as any normal person would) they get a buzz from this. Very childish.
The way to take back control and not let his words into your headspace distracting you from living your life and moving on is to press delete button on the texts. When I started to do this it felt soo empowering. I didn’t read them just pressed delete. Then he can ‘darling and petal’ all he likes but you won’t be on the receiving end of it.
If communication is needed about the children do it through email with a third party reading the email so his choice of words don’t get into your head.
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I know exactly what you all mean, as my ex is also very patronising and belittling in the same kind of ways. He exhibits all the traits of a n********t and even sent me another harassing message (detail removed by Moderator) bleating on and threatening me with the Small Claims Court about things he believes he is entitled to.
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My ex did this too, he sent me a birthday card, emails, messages and calls after I ended it acting like we were still together and that I was being silly ending the relationship and blaming it on my mental health and that he ‘would like to help me.’ It was very patronising and gave me that powerless feeling like he was trying to drain away my power and make decisions for me again, I felt myself getting sucked back in because he was wearing me down. They act like this because they see us as property with no rights and also to confuse us about their true character as well as to soften us so that we’re more likely to take them back.
It helped going to the police to get all of the hoovering to stop. Mummyboo could you arrange child contact through a third party, that way you wouldn’t have to hear from him? He’ll just keep using the contact to try to get under your skin, they use whatever route they can so we have to block off all access. And ask the police for help if he keeps trying to contact you, once the child contact is set up he has no reason to ever contact you again so you can be free of him to move on.
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