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    • #136445

      Hello wonderful ones,
      I really really really want to leave. I need to, even more so Since he acknowledged sexual coercion, I find it hard to even look at him as all I can think is “you know you’ve abused me”
      I am so very tired of pretending I’m ok around him. I know you will all get it. I’m not sleeping very well, on antidepressants which have helped a bit with general mood.
      Dreading that Children are all due back at school this week which means if I leave I’m messing that up for them too as I do the school runs.
      Not sure what I need to hear, just grateful I can let it out here.
      Sending love xx

    • #136446

      Hey sweetie, amazing well done for saying all that out loud well on here bet it wasnt easy.
      So now you know what you wanna do you gotta go do it right? Easy for me to say i know but you have come so far now is not the time to stop moving foward. Have you talked over your situation with womans aid or someone who could help you?
      I dont know how old your kids are but younger kids adapt more than we give them credit for my biggest regret will always be not seeing sooner nkt being able to leave whilst my kids were young enough to adapt. I wont go now i left it too late. Your kids need a mum who is safe who thinks nice things about herself someone who is happy really happy someone who can show them strength courage and love.
      Maybe the next step foward is to get some advice about your rights if you did leave, make a plan find a place to go open up to those you trust as you wont be able to do this alone.
      You are incredable dont ever forget that xx

      • #136477

        Thank you @nbumblebee you are so lovely, encouraging and kind xx

      • #136481

        You know where I am if you need to talk you take care xx

    • #136447

      What I remember is that he really didn’t care. He was prepared to sit and watch as my mental and physical health deteriorated and he would just sit back and enjoy the show while he thrived on sucking the life and soul from me. Parasite that he was.

    • #136459

      I don’t remember when I stopped pretending I was OK. But I remember the heavy, resentful atmosphere that was around when I did stop pretending. In a way it seemed worse but looking back it was the lead up to me finding the courage to leave. It was part of accepting how bad things really were and just how much he wanted to destroy my wellbeing. I should say though, that the abuse did escalate when I stopped pretending, which is textbook I guess.

      I understand that you feel like you’d be disrupting your kids by leaving. But any disruptions is hugely outweighed by stopping the abuse. The abuse is so damaging for them, witnessing it, absorbing the tensions and atmosphere at home, however well you think it’s hidden. The abuse also takes their mum away from them in the sense that you can’t be the mum you really are because so many of your resources are used in surviving. This isn’t a hard sell to leave now. You’ll leave when you’re ready. But I promise you that what might seem like a big barrier now really isn’t as big as it looks. Yours and your children’s mental and emotional safety is more important than anything else. Sending love xxxx

    • #136463

      Hi Kitkat –
      Do you have a plan in place? Do you know where you’ll go, do you have money?

    • #136480

      Oh I had a reply typed out then list it!!
      Thank you all, I truly appreciate the time taken to respond.

      I don’t have much of a plan but can access funds to go somewhere short term.

      I needed to hear that, I’m not able to be the best mum and as @kip mentions we are worn down and kept stuck.

      He keeps asking if I’m ok, concerned I might be feeling really low and I deny it because I don’t want to admit it to him.

      Love and gratitude xx

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