Living a nightmare

[freesia]

Hi all
Iam new and thats the first time iam actually posting something like it on any forums and just need someone advice from everyone-who may of been in some similar situation.

My as i thought dream turned into nightmare with my now ex partner,we got together (detail removed by Moderator) ago wasn’t great in the beginning but it did get better then we had a child together and that’s how the nightmare begun… When i give birth to our child all members of our family came to see the baby then when my phone battery has died i asked him to bring me the charger so my family could of contact me(which he didnt)my mom tried to contact him several times but he never answers any of it.After few months since our child birth he starts calling me names for no reason,being angry,moody and his behaviour was so strange.Every time i was takin our child out he was ringing and ringing askin where am i?I start thinking whats going on is he jelous of me or something?basically it was like walking on eggshells as i started being scared of him and his behaviour toward me.I went out once with (detail removed by Moderator) out and when i came back home he waited for me and start basically saying to me that i stinks of alcohol so i went down so i could go sleep on the sofa then he came down start yelling straight into my face i started to cry as i couldn’t get more of it…i grabbed some jacket or whatever that was as i wanted to get out of the house i ran to my parents house with no socks or shoes on crying,then he ranged me to come back home as a child fell from the bed -and thats all my fault so i immediately came back.After about (detail removed by Moderator) being treated with no respect i moved out and moved in with my parents he started contacting me again and saying that he changed himself so we let him move in it was the biggest mistake i have ever made.He start being aggresive toward us all one time he started waving a (detail removed by Moderator) on of front me saying if i leave him he will kill me or himself i cant remember it now as i ranged friend to get me out from my house and start ringing his family i they dont get that monster from my house iam not gonna come back i was so scared.Every time after work i was sat with our child in the bedroom not even going anywhere as i was so scared i cant even explain it-it was going for few years like that he was moving out and in several of times-as his family kicked him out everytime he was living with them.I took solicitor and he was allowed to see our child (detail removed by Moderator) was allowed.He ruined me emotionally and financially over this years and not even felt bad about it all.he’s living happy life now has newborn with other woman and iam just emotionall wreck not knowing what to do now iam trying being possitive and happy but i still have a flashback from what has happened to me and my child over past few years i dint even mentioned every situation i had with that person as this everyting is just to much for me as iam trying to move on somehow from this trauma.

[fizzylem]

Hello Freesia, well I’m hearing you’re out! This is great and you’ve done an amazing job of handling the fact he still has parental responsibilities with a solicitor and he now only has your child only (detail removed by Moderator) week – so have things settled now? Do you feel the(detail removed by Moderator) week access is manageable?

It sounds to me like you need a little counselling support; I would recommend you access this through one of the womens aid / domestic violence charities in your area, so that you can talk, express how you feel and work out what the hell just happened and why – this will also help you to build some resilience for the future. It is not uncommon for women to feel a collapse once everything that needs doing has been done and we are left with starting again – your feelings are absolutely shared on here. Unfortunately, it is a long and slow recovery process, it’s about taking small steps in the right direction, try to focus your thoughts and energy on caring for yourself and being the mum you want to be x

[Ayanna]

You have been through a lot with this monster.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? You could attend this. It will help you understand what happened better and you will also meet other women.
Also, speak to your GP to get counselling.
You have experienced massive trauma and help with processing this will definitely benefit you.

Keep posting here!

Whatever you deal with, we are here for you and we listen! xx

[freesia]

Hi everyone.

Unfortunately the things didn’t settled well-its hard to deal with someone who doesn’t know how to be a father.
Ive stopped him from seeing the child-and i do feel bad about it,but i had no chooice as my child completely changed toward me.

-child didn’t wanted talk to me
-start hitting me
– child chewed holes in 2 school cardigans(that never happend before)-ive asked teacher but there was no problem with anything as child is always happy going into school.
-not making eye conctact while talking to me pretend iam not even there.
etc.that’s just some of the behaviour ive noticed.
I contacted my ex family and explained the situation and showed them the nasty things he was txt and saying to me-they said they completlly understand why i doesn’t want him to see a child as he’s horrible,but i do understand he’s a father and i just can’t say bad things about him to our child-which i never did.We never made any custody agreement as child always lived with me,he never payed anything to help with child and was takin child just when he wanted-which it wasn’t often.But know it seems like one of his family member telling me that they want to made agreement and taking child regulary because that’s what iam doing its not fair i think they just try to help him to pay less for child if we make any agreement and if child stays with them,but i said i wont be talking with him without any solicitor few months back he said that he has solicitor but till this day iam still waiting and didn’t get any letter.
Now i dont know what to do or where to go for help-just like with him now with one of his family member as soon as i get txt msg from them my hands starts shaking and i feel scared its hard to explain it-and i need advice what’s that may be.After (detail removed by moderator) since he got himself new girlfriend-iam still living in fear.Its crazy how person can tell you so much lies and saying you the one that’s have a problem-now i know it wasn’t me for sure as iam starting to be myself again-he’s mum told me that i need some gentelman in my life not the drama that comes along with him.Iam still single as iam scared someone will come again and try to hurt me,everyone say’s that they are surprised that i still doesn’t have boyfriend-but how to explain something that i can’t even explain it myself.
After claiming that he loves me i discovered that he was seeing someone and got her pregnant straight away-that was a terrible shock for me.I lost more than half my body weight in less then 3 weeks as i coudn’t eat anything,i wasn’t able to sleep etc.after what’s happened i was still going to work and acting like nothing happened- (detail removed by moderator).But the answers i really want to get after i saw him first time since this everything happened it was how my body reacted to it:

I was shaking,being scared,i had pain in my chest,till this day i have high blood pressure,frequent headaches and lump in throat whenever i start thinking about it all.

[Lisa]

Hi Freesia,

I just wanted to show you some support. I’m very sorry to read everything that your ex has put you through. First, it’s normal for it to take time to heal from an abusive relationship and it often is some time after the relationship that our body and mind can start processing the trauma. You’ve explained that you have a ‘trigger’, such as a text from his family member, and suffer a physical reaction and anxiety. Whilst I am not in a position to diagnose you, it sounds like you might be suffering from some symptoms of Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD) which many survivors find they are affected by. You can talk to your GP about this or read out about it on the MIND website, where there is also some good information about self-help.

I would really encourage you to consider stopping any contact with his family members or anyone related to him, if you feel you can.

I imagine that deciding to stop his contact with your child was a difficult decision to make, however it sounds like you had to take this action because your child was being very negatively affected by the contact. Please try not to feel guilty about this; you’ve done what is best for your child.

If you feel you need some information about Child contact and the Law have a look at the Rights of Women’s website.

I also suggest that you contact your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[freesia]

hello and thank you everyone for reply.
Iam start feeling a little bit better…
– have booked an appoitment with my GP to discuss some of the issues
-i have visited our local women’s centre for a chat
-next week iam gonna start attending a freedom programe for some support really looking forward to it.

Ive stopped contacting his family even do i really feel bad for doing this but i have no chooice as i have to stand for myself now.Just wondering what may happend next…

[Author]

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