Living in a daze

[Bluebluepinkblue]

Hi all.
I’m glad to have this space and sad to need it.
Recently separated from my husband and now in the overwhelming space of trying to relearn what was happening day by day throughout our long relationship. Now I have called the abuse just that, it has opened a massive floodgate in which I can see the abuse in so many more days and ways in mine and my children’s lives.
It’s strange and a bit frightening, mainly that I didn’t pull the plug on it all so much earlier for the kids. Keeping them in a home for so long where both I and they were being abused brings a guilt that I didn’t fully understand before and will feel for life.
Adding to the ridiculous guilt I feel for leaving my husband on his own, and involving social services for the kids sake. Like I still feel he is vulnerable or feels sorry for him after what happened.
Anyone else left a relationship before it all really was clear to them? Is there another side to all this emotion?

[Footballfan1]

Hi Bluebluepinkblue,

Welcome to the forum.
Well done for getting you and the children out of there, and well done for reaching out for help with social services.
That is an incredibly brave act, you should feel proud of yourself.

Please read through different posts on here, I think you will find a lot you relate to.

It is normal to feel guilt for your ex.
We can’t turn our feelings off, no matter what they put us through.
If you contact a local domestic abuse service, they should be able to listen to your thoughts and feelings, and offer support.
Bottom line, do not feel guilty, not for anything.
Not for leaving, and not for leaving it longer to leave.
You are out now, that’s what counts.
Focus on you and your children.
Get any help that you can.
Womens aid also do a live chat with someone trained to offer help and advice.
You could look into counselling for you and the children.

The pastoral lead at my children’s school was very helpful, she listened to me and offered to keep an eye on the kids for me, she feeds back to me how they are doing in school.

Keep posting, I’m sure the other lovely ladies will be along soon to offer support and advice.
Anything you are thinking about, anything you are worried about, just post it, even if you think it’s silly or trivial.
Sharing my thoughts on here has been a form of therapy for me.
Xx

[Bananaboat]

Well done for getting out!

What you’ve described sounds very normal. My mind felt like it was analysing & reorganising my relationship after leaving, look after yourself as it’s exhausting and I’d have good & bad days. But several months on the fog is definitely lifting, I see more and more and feel stronger each week that passes. Just watch out for things suddenly triggering you when you’re not expecting it.

The other bit, worrying about him is the lovely trauma bond which will also fade overtime but you have to be strong as interactions with him, or checking social media etc will keep that bond pumping, but yes you will feel a huge mix of emotions which will keep changing, hang in there x*x

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