Living in the same house until he finds somewhere

[Lionking]

I’ve told him I want to separate and for the sake of the kids, I’ve been told not to point the finger of blame or to mention abuse.

He’s looking for somewhere to live and has contacted a friend who is an estate agent. I don’t know how long this process will take.

Any tips for continuing to live with an abuser after a break up but before they leave?

[Hereforhelp]

Hi lionking, in ny experience abusers do not leave easily… my own abusive husband of many many years agreed to separate but he wouldn’t leave, he made excuses up, he tried being seen as a victim (in front of our children as he was trying to manipulate them).. it took months and months before he left…
A very wise member of this forum (KIP ❤️) told me when I was at your stage to not believe a word my husband says, the gloves are off once you make the decision to separate.
I hope your partner leaves soon
HFH ❤️

[Bananaboat]

My advice would be to live separately as possible. Cook meals for you & kids if you have them, wash your own clothes, have your own bedtime & routine, have times out without him. It feels wrong but it helps to set the boundary we’re not together. He’ll expect things to carry on as normal, at least the parts that benefit him. As already said, don’t believe a word he says about leaving. They lie. Be prepared for every version of him – nice, nasty & everything in between while he tantrums and tries to keep you. It’s like living in limbo so look after yourself x

[Pixie123]

Hi all,

My soon to be ex-husband is doing this now as well. We’re in the process of divorce and me and my daughter are having to live with him in our house whilst this is happening. He says he can’t find anywhere but I’ve spoken to estate agents and there are lots of properties nearby – and he’s well-paid. He’s just keen to stay in the house and have me and my daughter leave due to the abusive, manipulative controlling things he’s been doing since I said I wanted a divorce.

I have an internal disability (detail removed by Moderator) and he’s not physically hit me but is trying to make it look like it’s my imagination or condition. He’s aggressive, slams the doors loudly or creeps around to make me jump and has threatened to hurt our poor little kitten (detail removed by Moderator) he’s said – although I can’t prove this. However I’ve spoken to the police and everything’s being logged if I need to show all examples of what he’s been doing.

They have said to think about getting a non-molestation order but I’m worried he’ll ignore this and make things worse. We can’t move out as I’m unable to work and I don’t want to leave the cats we have behind, especially now he’s said that.

I wondered if anyone’s been through something similar with invisible health issues and/or whether non-molestation orders make things worse. He does have a job and I’m thinking perhaps us doing a non-molestation order will make him aware that this could have some sort of impact on this in future so he leaves us all alone but don’t want to test this if not?

Thanks

[Flowergirl4]

Hi all,

I am currently dealing with the same! Told partner I’d had enough after some eye opening behaviour whilst I’m grieving a family member. This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to end things but I feel completely different this time. Like I am committed to sticking to my guns this time and not letting him guilt me like he has done in the past. The difficult thing is like yourselves he’s still in the house. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own home. He’s trying so so hard to put on this fake, mr nice guy act but the occasional flash of his usual sarcastic nasty self shows through. How do you all manage with having to put up with being in the same living space? I am trying to keep separate as much as possible but his favourite thing to do when we’ve had an argument is to just follow me around the house and not leave me alone!

[Sungirl]

It’s extremely difficult! Often my husband is home late in the evening, so after the kids have gone to bed I stay in my room watching TV. It is becoming very draining though and I need to make a plan to move forwards.

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