Living with low confidence and anxiety

[LittleBlu]

Hi, I am new here
I left my ex in (detail removed by moderator). I could never quite put my finger on what he was, whether it was actually me and not him that was the problem. But his violence issue was clearly his and not mine. And he fits a n**********c profile brilliantly. I’m glad I left, but I feel so empty now. I can feel empty for days and its awful. Then when I am happy, or I go out and perhaps drink too much with my friends, I royally beat myself up afterwards. I tell myself all the negative things I felt about myself when I was with him.. that I’m an embarassement, a mess, stupid, and people feel uncomfortable round me. The slightest comment from someone can set this trail of destruction off. I wondered if anybody else experienced this after effect and how you started to love yourself, and believe in yourself again?

[Anonymous]

Hi little blue,

I think years of conditioning leaves us feeling negative about ourselves. Someone posted a few months back that essentially it’s like grooming. It takes time and I’m still trying to achieve feeling less anxious and getting to know myself again. I think this experience can be soul destroying. Look after yourself, do what you enjoy and spend time with people who bring the laughter and good vibes into your life. I’m a work in progress I have definite triggers good and bad days. But it helps to get it out and talk xx we will get there ☺

[Anonymous]

Sorry my ipad predicted your user name!

[fridges]

Hello, littleblue,
You need to give sometime to process things. It is not your fault what is happened! And never will be!
After you have been through, totally normal to feel empty, now it is the right time to pour in you – good stuff!
Care and kindness towards yourself, take care of your needs. And processing with the right support – it is one of them.
I would advise you to stop drinking, as it can be the escape for you, easy to get hocked to it, it numbs for sometime.
But next day you feel worse than before.
it takes long long time – to love yourself, to care for yourself and change how you deal with life, men as well.
I did the whole revision from my first abuser, but it was not enough. I was not knowing what I know now, and ended up with the second abuser, which turned even worse.

From the first one – he constantly called me useless, s**g, fat, ugly cow, w***e, there was so much. During this relationship – I was feeling the ugliest woman in my life, they brainwash you with it. I never though there would be anyone else for me ever. I was very young woman and he brainwashed me that I’m already past the date, my time for marriage is over. This is so funny now, as he was old and I was young.
By leaving this relationship – I ended up with plastic surgery, as I thought I need serious fixing. Which is not true!
Without tears I could not see myself in the mirror during the relationship and after.
It took about 5 years to get out his voice from my head.
And with dedication, you will be able to do it too!
But start with the plan, think which woman you would like to be, how this woman feels in life? who is around? what she is doing? how is her lifestyle?
And then start to make the steps what need to be done, to be this woman. Remember – kindness to yourself is important!
It is enough that someone else abused you, you do not need to do it to yourself! You are the one, who need to take care and look after you!

[Iwantmeback]

What beautiful words @fridges🙂🙂

Hello LittleBlu, welcome to our clan. Reading and posting to this forum will give you so much knowledge, self respect and acceptance. It’s all baby steps. You alone know how long it took for you to be abused, getting you back will take time, lots of soul searching, good days and bad. Know that there is ALWAYS someone here to listen and advise you. Even if you just want to rant and write screeds, this is your safe place. Tell your story in your own time.
I find when I’m replying to someone im opening up more and more.
Take care and be safe.
IWMB 💕💕

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