• This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by Lisa.
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    • #147868
      UkGamer
      Participant

      Hey all..
      It all stated when we got married and are child was born.. At first i was allowed to work but when i got (detail removed by Moderator) he suggested i stay at home look after are child and look after the house etc at first i fort great but as time went along i did more and more and he did less and less.. as are child got more active talking and having a mind of there own he withdraw he did nothing with are child the house with me just did what he wonted to do regardless of what i or his child wonted he never spent anytime with his child spending all his time ever on the computer playing games on his phone or asleep.. He never payed towards are childs upkeep as he said are child benifit should cover that (eventually he gave me (detail removed by Moderator) a week one minute saying its towards are son they to me it swapped and changed to what ever he decided it was mend to go to.. We also didn’t get any benefits as such due to him working full time so was not untitled to any and any money should be shared equally yet he never once gave me any not for food stuff for the house or even cloths or toys for his child.. By this time i felt very trapped no job living off chid tax credits to not only pay for are childs needs part of the bills my own bills as well as anythink for the house food etc.. I become so isolated he keeped me away from my family and friends talking bad about them as well as having no money to do anythink.. More times then others i would go without lunch so my child wouldn’t suffer and have everythink they needed i was trapped looking at four walls depressed anxious and had no confidence or worth in myself the only time i got away was to go upstairs for a nap for a hour but still staying in the barron walls of the house.. He got more and more agitated as time went on shouting screaming banging giving me the silence treatment stonewalling me verbally abusing financially abusive emotionally abusive as well as controlling and gasslighting me.. my emotions my opinions my forts didn’t matter what he said went and he would not be told what to do especially by a women.. Many times i would break down in tears just out of the blue or after a argument were he would call me all sorts of names like stupid lazy b***h.. he would just ignore how i feel no emotions or guilt of the pain he was causing and would never even asking if im ok it would be oh your too sensitive stop playing the victim or just dam right put the guilt back onto me that it was always my fault i was the reason he did this or that or how he behaved or why he watched porn masturbating looking at other women with desire or pritty much anythink or everythink was my fault he held no responsibility for his actions and was never wrong.. The more this went on the more drained im getting.. Its horrible living like this but now i finally realised its abuse and the fact at some point i need to be strong take are child and leave him.. Iv lost myself my purpose of life i have no self confidence no worth and its true he will drag you down to your grave he will take every single ouch if you and drain you till your a near zombie shadow that will submit to his every demand.. All i can say is get out whist you can there will never change.. your may see a change for maybe a week or two before going straight back to being abusive agen that’s why its called circle of abuse and that’s what happens. I just hope my story helps someone else to realise before its too late
      I love you all stay strong stay positive

    • #147923
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi UkGamer,

      Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’ve been through such a difficult time. This feeling of having lost yourself is so common with domestic abuse but it is absolutely possible to rebuild your sense of self and purpose. It’s so positive that you’re recognising what you’ve been going through as abuse and that you’ve set that goal in your mind to work towards leaving. You are strong and it’s okay to take things at a pace that works for you when you are ready, that doesn’t make you any less strong. The Live Chat is available every day if you want to talk to a support worker about your options. You might also find some interesting and useful information on the Surviving Economic Abuse website, they specialise in the affects of financial abuse.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

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