lonely

[fredblogs]

I’m really struggling with loneliness. I was abused as a child/teenager by a boyfriend who was a lot older than me and my school teacher. I got cut off from all my friends and even to an extent my family and was essentially living with him – that was never am agreed or official thing but I was never allowed to see his site so you may as well say i lived there even though i didnt want to.

I have actually created a facebook account since getting away from him and got in touch with a few friends who were very good bit whom i had to cut off when i was with him. I am (detail removed by Moderator) now and coincidently they are all completely settled with long term partners etc. I feel so lonely. The only time i ever do something is with my family other than seeing my friends once in a blue moon. I missed my childhood… going out and having fun
I dont think i will ever experience that but am so fed up of sitting in doors lonely night after night. It is really getting me down
My mum died (detail removed by Moderator) too so even more on my own! Please help – how have you all dealt with this problem? Have you felt this problem?

[Serenity]

Hi Fred Blogs,

I can understand your sorrow at having precious time taken by an abuser. I feel the same.

Can you make a list of all the things you wanted to do, before you met him and he eclipsed your life? Transport yourself back to the person you were before he came along: what were your interests, your dreams. Your values? Create a little bucket list of say 5-10 things you – as that girl- wanted to experience and achieve.

If the list is still relevant, ok, but if it’s changed and you’d like to experience some different things now, tweak the list. But try to connect with your deepest dreams and passions which you surrendered by being with your abuser. Sometimes it’s hard to think what these might be, because we neglected and suppressed ourselves for such a long time, but try to do a search of yourself…I believe our true core self is still hidden away, beneath all the hurt, pain and disillusionment.

Abuse and also grief can make us lack motivation and you might feel that these things are too big to achieve, but you can take tiny steps you try to rediscover who you are. x

[Falling Skys]

Hi fb

Sorry about the loss of your mum but pleased your away from your abusers.

A day with an abuser is a day to long but you are free now and it’s time to heal. This will take time.

You now need to find out who you are and what you like. I started going to the gym and have made friends there. Even though I don’t need to loose weight I go to a slimming group as I have friends there. Freedom meeting are a good day to mix too. Also started some old hobbies up and made friends there.

Because of how he was I didn’t keep on contact woth old friends so apart from the odd one I am getting a new circle of friends.

Don’t be hard on yourself it will take time but you will get there.

FS xx

[fredblogs]

Its a bit of a weird situation as since leaving him i have started a new job and am going from strength to strength. (Detail removed by moderator). So i feel like when i say im lonely it doesnt make sense.

I probably just need to meet some people that are at a similar stage in their life as me but that is easier said than done when you know so few people.

Ive done some amazing things in the past year and am going to (detail removed by moderator) this year with my sister which will be great. Its just everything i do is with family, which it is lovely to have, as i know some people are not so fortunate, but it does get lonely as they all have their own lives too and i just dont.

After writing this message im now feeling a bit dramatic and that i need to get my act together and stop being so self centred! Sorry!

[fredblogs]

Hi,

just an update … i have done some gym classes this week and it was a wholenew world. I spoke and laughed with strangers for the first time in years and felt so welcomed. Thank you for your suggestions they have really helped. Im a bit up and down emotionally and generally express my true emotions and then try to cover it by telling myself im beibg rediculous and to shut up (come to think of it that is some of the types of things he woukd say to me!) So sorry if i come across as being a bit loopy. I hope you are still enjoying your new lives. Someone gave me an interesting analogy…. until you speak out the door will always be half open. When you speak out you can begin to lock that old door and open a new one. X

[Ayanna]

Have you thought of getting counselling?
You need to deal with your past before going into a relationship.
Also, you are so young. The whole life is ahead of you.
Abusers already wasted your childhood years.

Would it not make more sense to focus on your self, pursue a career, overtake the males and become a boss?
Men might only distract you on your path of becoming a successful woman.

Maybe a shared accommodation may also help not to feel alone in the evenings?

(detail removed by Moderator) Have you spoken to Rights of Women which actions you can take against them?

[Author]

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