Looked him up on Facebook

[endoftherainbow]

So angry with myself, I looked him up on Facebook, he’s blocked on mine, I went through a different account. His security is high but I could see his profile pic of him and his new girlfriend.
Don’t know why I did it, even though I have periods that I miss him, my overwhelming feelings are anger and hatred. The picture annoyed me, they were outside a pub or restaurant, obviously having a night out, iv been chasing him for months with csa to no avail, and he’s living the highlife while I scrimp along raising the child he ignores.
Overall im very happy with my life and have no regrets for leaving, but now and them I get so mad, they just swan off and have a ball.
Just had to get this out of my system, I couldn’t tell anyone else I had looked him up,
Thanks for reading x*x

[KIP.]

Hey, don’t be hard on yourself. Remember these men try hard to project an outward perfect persona. But you know what is actually going on behind the scenes. She thinks she’s won first prize but we all know she will find out in time it’s actually the booby prize she’s won. Keep the pressure on the CSA. He should pay for his child. Security is probably tight so that the CSA can’t see him spending the money that should be feeding and clothing his child. It’s bad news to go looking on social media, so try not to do it again. However tempting, it’s toxic for us. Let the CSA do the chasing. They swan off looking for fresh prey. There is nothing good or honerable about these men. Good riddance to bad rubbish x tomorrow will be a better day 👍

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi there,

I can relate, I think all of us can because it’s so common for abusers to appear like they are this upstanding honourable wonderful men and due to all their charm and lies they easily find new prey, which they then love to parade in our face given the chance.

I feel similar in that I saw my ex on a dating site this week, and at first I felt ok but the past few days it has triggered me quite a lot. I feel like there is no justice – that he is on a site, looking all clean and fresh and like your perfect future boyfriend chatting up women to his heart’s content. Whoever he meets will have no idea how horribly he treated me and probably others before me. It feels like there is little justice with these men, no consquences for all their abuse whilst we have so much pain to work through before we are healed.

However I tend to think it will catch up with them one day, because they tend to just cycle through relationships cheating and lying and abusing repeating the same cycle. The new partner will be in for abuse too sadly, after the honeymoon period but they definitely won’t put that on facebook – it’s all about outward appearances.

I’ve found I’ve healed much better since stopping checking his social media, it was holding me back, and seeing him unexpectedly on a dating site has set me back again. We just have to block, delete, heal, move on and write on here if we are tempted to check.

[endoftherainbow]

Thank you ladies, I’m looking at it as a minor slip up and to forgive myself. I’m not going to look again, I know looks can be deceiving, who knows what’s going on with them. I’m going to let csa do there job….hopefully!! And carry on with my free life x*x

[starryeyed]

Facebook…is…FAKEBOOK!

Endoftherainbow, it is a minor slip – you can forgive yourself and moving forward not look at his account again. Because there is going to be nothing good on there for you to see. He puts his profile picture as him and his new girlfriend likely on purpose, probably in hope you would see, to try and prove to the world that he is something he isn’t.

It is hard to not check – I’ve requested my account to be deleted completely because I don’t trust myself to not buckle and look and get in touch with him when I feel vulnerable and like I overreacted. But I know that whatever I find on there will not be what I want to see – probably a new girlfriend or manipulative messages to me which will hinder my recovery process. He isn’t going to have changed and he certainly isn’t going to let me forget me calling the police on him .etc.I find myself looking at the cover of his other social medias – and I don’t know why I do this because I can’t see anything anyway? Habit? Hope? Denial? I just don’t know yet. But I know I am more steps ahead than I was a few weeks ago and that is the main thing.

I’ve felt jealous of my ex being with new people but I’m trying to see it as more feeling sorry for them – our ex’s are not going to have miraculously changed for their new girlfriends! They are (detail removed by moderator) chameleons taking on board and becoming whoever their new girlfriend wants or think she needs at the time…they won’t be able to keep up this facade, it is too exhausting and they want the control…and then their real colours show and the abuse will begin. The cycles will start, and let’s hope that the new women manage to get out sooner rather than later.

Keep going with CSA and be good to yourself, you are important <3 x*x

[White Rose]

Hi EOTR! I bet there’s times you wish you hadn’t blocked his so you could keep spying on him – I know I certainly do!!
But then I come to my senses and realise I’m better off not knowing as it just makes me cross seeing him spending money he pilfered off me and squirelled away. Mines off on a “mini world tour” at the moment (i heard via a relative) and I hope he picks up every tummy bug/mosquito bite and venereal disease he deserves!
Don’t beat yourself up. Just keep away from him and remember no contact works well – as long as it includes no virtual contact too.

[Author]

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