Looking for the courage to get help

[melaniekelly]

Hey
I am writing this post to help convince myself I have been and am suffering from abuse. I thought I’d give a few examples from many years of abuse from my partner who is a (detail removed by Moderator).
Told I’m mad on many occasions, he particularly likes to blame my “hormones”.
He refused to help me get medical treatment when I had been recommended to by my GP.
I was inappropriately examined by a doctor, but my partner refused to let me report the incident (detail removed by Moderator).
Told by him I didn’t need to take tablets I’d been prescribed by my GP.
When I have suffered bouts of insomnia, he has told me I’m mad.

He frequently took jobs which meant we had to move house and leave family and also I had to leave my job as well, even though I didn’t want to.
On numerous occasions whatever I have been feeling has been dismissed, including after a miscarriage and a long episode of depression.
He uses money as a weapon. (detail removed by Moderator) I actually managed to leave him, but he took so long to co-operate with my solicitor that I ran out of money and had to go back to him.
He is verbally abusive and is always gaslighting me. I share a house with him but keep away from him, as I am sick of the verbal attacks.
How do I get away from someone like this who I feel has such power over me?

[Anonymous]

Hi Melaniekelly

I’m so sorry for all your experiences, no wonder you are questioning how you you can leave. I think many people who have finally left have had support from Women’s Aid and/or support services. If you could reach out to the helpline here and talk through your options and next possible steps that might help you feel better and more hopeful.Have you read Daily Wisdom for Why does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. It is an inspirational and supportive read.

[Wants To Help]

Hi M,

Firstly, if you are using your real name as your username please change it so that you are anonymous, many people have access to this site who read it but never post.

Just wanted to say that using the money as a weapon was a huge issue in my case and one of the things that trapped me more than anything else. In the end, I had to get out so I upped and left with just one suitcase of clothes and my son. I lived in refuge accommodation for a very long time (moderators will take the time length out, but believe me, it was a long time). I had to get food from food banks, get help from charities for other needs and had a local church take us under their wing to help with many aspects of our well being (and no – I’m not religious at all.) I wrote to my MP, went to the local newspaper and had an article printed to highlight the issues of leaving an abuser and the hardship and difficulties in certain situations. I literally fought every step of the way to get my life back on track and I did succeed. I’m now in a better place emotionally and financially than I ever was before I met him or during my time with him. It has been a long, hard slog, I won’t lie, but it’s been worth every step.

One of the things that kept me going was that he told me he’d drive me to suicide as he was evil enough to do so. As I knew that would please him (and also grant him sole access to our son) I had to make sure that no matter how low I got, how hard things got, (and there were times that I considered it as an option) I knew I had to somehow get through it and rebuild my life. And here I am – surviving proof along with many other strong ladies on this forum that you can do this 🙂

[melaniekelly]

Hey
I’m grateful for your support, and no, I am not using my real name.
I feel for others going through this who have young children, that must be so distressing. My kids are long grown up, so as a more mature woman, I don’t fit that category.
What worries me about leaving is how do I not only start a new life, but also a new job as an older person, earning enough to support myself? He has messed with my head so much using gaslighting and lies that I often feel like I no longer exist, I feel trapped and just want to get away.
I have spoken on the chat on this site, which was very helpful and am slowly building the courage to leave.
🙂

[Author]

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