Loosing control ?

[Yellowfrog]

My dad displays difficult behaviour but am I being sensitive as I have (detail removed by moderator) Or is it abuse?

I live with my farther and son

Since my mam passed my dad bought gin (detail removed by moderator)

It never happened . He never had a problem with alcohol. I’d check everything.

Started a friendship with my sisterd partner. Who is HIGH DV. goes to the pub with him maybe 3x week.

Hardly drinks according to him. But my dad comes back mumbling , acting drunk.

*over the following months he displays attention and difficult behaviour of hospital administrations.

I say this because he takes it and then phones people to tell them. (detail removed by moderator)

Also blamed me for an attempt and wrote me out his will. Claiming it was just a misunderstanding.

(detail removed by moderator)

Intimidation, of how he laughs at you when confronting him.

Claimes he carnt even shave in his own house due to anxiety because I asked him to clean the sink.

He bought a dishwasher and still leaves plates ect in sink all week.

(detail removed by moderator)

Why do I have so much resentment.

My mam was disabled, she did shopping, bills, cleaned . He did nothing. He was her paid carer!!

I paid for my mam’s funeral.  Didn’t even get a thank you.

Said to the person who SA me they were welcome at the house any time.

I give money for gas /electric but often doesn’t pay it on time using mo ey for something else saying don’t worry it will get paid. It does . The wrong amount. Claims I havnt paid enough ect.

 

[Lisa]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. You are not being sensitive- what you described sounds really exhausting to deal with. Its really hard when the abuse is coming from your own parent- that should be someone who you should feel safe with and respected by. You know what you are going through and how this is making you feel.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Yellowfrog]

I’m just so confused if it is abuse or if he’s gaslighting me in to thinking it’s me . He’s claiming victim.  If I’m doing something wrong . I need to know .

Not cleaning or emptying bins . My worker said its a man thing.

Isn’t that very stereotypical.

I know lots of men who clean.

 

[Yellowfrog]

The house is getting unbelievably unclean. I’m trying my best. Do I literally have to treat him like a child and tell him what to do .

I am not his mother.

I am not his wife

I am his daughter

Surely he can see the bin overflowing and the mess on the floor.

Weponised incompetence comes to mind

[lover of no contact]

Hi Yellow frog,

Living with those behaviours can be too much for anyone so it’s very good you’ve reached out for support. I have found Al- Anon (for family & friends affected by someone’s drinking) groups to be extremely helpful.as well as this Forum. The Al- Anon website will have the information on the online meetings available and also face to face meetings. They are a huge support. ‘Loosing control’ feeling  is a very normal reaction to living with drinking/abuse. Use as many supports as you can, will start to feel better.

[Yellowfrog]

I don’t believe this is alcohol related it’s his personality.

When he does drink it isn’t much.

But I need clarity if it’s abuse . I need help draw a line between this is annoying to this is a red flag. There really isn’t much support or help on that.

 

[Author]

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