Lost all sense of belonging

[Marthamoo]

I don’t know what has triggered it but I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere. It’s a difficult thing to try and explain but I just somehow feel lost. He has just announced that his children from a previous marriage are coming over for a meal out. A part of me is jealous about his relationship with them. He walked out on them when they were small and had no contact for years. Gradually the relationship has been built but seems to have gone from strength to strength since I left. We were all quite close but they have never asked me why I walked out from their Dad, never rung/text to see if I’m ok. Yet they have all rallied around him. I feel somehow betrayed and don’t feel I have a place in that relationship anymore.

I always thought I had a strong family network of my own but over the last few months I have started to feel differently. My sister frequently gossips about me behind my back, never rings to see if I’m ok. My mum never asks how things are, how I feel about my ex etc. Again, I feel I don’t have in place in my own extended families life.

Over the years certain members of extended family have washed their hands of me because of the choices I made in staying with him. I feel a massive sense of loss and feel I have lost so much for nothing.

Then there is him. He want’s me to give it one last shot but I feel dead inside. I see things for how they are and don’t feel loved, respected or wanted. I don’t feel I belong in my own marriage. He thinks I am being silly and should stop blowing things out of proportion. A big part of me doesn’t want to invest anymore into something I will get nothing from.

Sorry for rambling, just tying myself in knots over things at the mo x

[KIP.]

Hi there, what’s triggered it is your ex playing happy families. My ex is going for father of the year and I have pangs when I hear his step daughter is visiting him (she sent me a nasty letter saying I destroyed our family). It’s just that I have fond memories of us all on holiday etc. I’ve known her most of her life. But it’s a price we have to pay for our freedom. It does get easier as time goes on. You know it’s just a matter of time before he lets them all down too. Try to concentrate on you. Do something nice for yourself. It’s not too late to re engage with family members. If you’ve finally decided your marriage is over. Go no contact and start again with your extended family. ❤️

[Serenity]

Hi Martha Moo,

Hearing about reunions/ events like that will trigger you.

All we can do when we are triggered is take special care of ourselves and push through it. Take extra care of yourself ; engage in some pampering.

If you think about it, he probably wanted you to know about it, knowing it would hurt you. He wanted you to feel hurt and left out.

But in reality, what is the situation? The kids weren’t in touch with him for years. They were probably happy to forge some kind of bond after all that time. It is probably difficult to break it off in any way now, or go against him by contacting you, as the relationship is probably quite fragile under it all. I sure the kids have questions about the past which he isn’t filling in.

They can sit down and eat dinner together and chat, but does that automatically mean they 100% trust him and think badly of you?

(I get on very well with my step mother. Sometimes, I am sad at how my dad treats her. She treats her in a similar way that he treated my mum. I would so miss her if they spilt up.)

Things aren’t always as they appear. And I am sure he is hyping the whole thing up to hurt you.

Xx

[Marthamoo]

Thank you both. I suspect he is trying to make amends for walking out years ago and they are happy to spend him money. It just feels like they have muscled in now I’m not there. I’m just having a day where I’m feeling a huge sense of loss. Loss of everything I have worked for and helped build over the last decade plus. He has pretty much walked away with everything. It will cost me a fortune in solicitors fees to get anything like what I’m entitled to financially. He still has his family (or at least the ones he chooses to include), has our family business. It just seems so unfair that he has behaved so horribly to so many people over the years but yet again has come out on top xx

[KIP.]

He doesn’t have you and that will be killing him❤️ Good riddance to bad rubbish. He’s just trying to annoy you. Don’t let him. Have you spoken to a solicitor? Mine lied to me for years. Turns out I’m entitled to a lot more than I ever dreamed of. Don’t believe a word he says. And if you have to fight for your share, bring it on x he won’t be expecting that x

[Serenity]

Fight all you can for your share. You can do it x*x

[Marthamoo]

I need to find the fight from somewhere. I can’t understand why the anger hasn’t come yet. Will it ever come? I went to see a solicitor who told me there wasn’t much to be fighting over. As I don’t qualify of for legal aid it would all be to pay for. I was told that to get a financial order and a consent order could cost me £10K if it goes all the way to court. Other than the income streamfrom the business, the other assets would just about cover the solicitors fees. It seems that the only winners are those who have the most money to give to the solicitors. It sseems marriage doesn’t offer you any real financial protection xx

[Serenity]

Has he hidden pensions, premium bonds, etc? These are tactics some are guilty of.

No, marriage isn’t a safe haven. Just make sure he hasn’t hidden anything away.

You can get a lot of helpful free half hour advice from solicitors who offer it.

X

[Confused123]

Hey hun

his just finding ways to irrate u, this will wash over soon, they just get bored, my ex is too saying he gets on so well with his family now, deep down they r p**s of at themelves for losing us, its just act, they must be hurting too, its all show to show they have moved and on over us, not that easy, if not today , tommrow he will have to face up for what he did, im too at point waiting t have it assessed is it worth me making a claim, i know its hard , one thing my counsellor said today and i hope it helps u too, doesnt matter if u get justice u make the point what happened was wrong and they have to face up to that, we prob thinking it does matter if we get justice cause they mess our life up , she said life has a way of making them face for there actions , u did your bit by trying to make them face there consquence by reporting it, u admittied to yurseslf it happened and it was wrong, from there we heal ourselves

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