21st April 2020 at 12:56 am #101384ManifestParticipant
In abusive relationship for many years, I hadn’t planned to leave i actually just wanted for him to hurry up and kill me. He controlled everything, left family, friends, career, mobile phones, internet, outside world for him, he made it sound so logical, the beatings were my fault. CCTV installed in house so be could point out all my failings to our kids. He decided when I was allowed to speak to my kids, sometimes only allowed to say good night, rarely allowed out always with him. This was my normality. I remember having dinner, then I woke up in hospital, doctor rhyming off list of ailments, historical breaks and current broken bones, face no one can recognise its so swollen and bruised, I was freaked – confused how did i get there! Found out a stranger found me stumbling bloodied near where i live, mystery! Anyway kids were with granny they barely knew existed. They hate me for sending daddy away, blame me for him not being allowed to see them it is supposedly (detail removed by moderator) this was reason for assault that put me in hospital! No idea what to do. I hadn’t planned to leave and now I’m lost living and missing the man who tortured me physically and mentally for years and not having a clue how to handle 3 kids, don’t know where to start, can’t brush hair, it’s too sore, can’t eat fractured jaw, face so swollen can barely see, emotionally messed up, I’m drowning and all of a sudden relatives i haven’t heard from in years are telling me that things will get better and I want to rip there eyes out… What is wrong with me? I can’t do this…. He was right i am a bad mum… I am a terrible human being (obviously he wasn’t as diplomatic with his wording) but I simply can’t breathe (and not just cause broken ribs), I feel like I can’t breathe…. I’m drowning!
21st April 2020 at 1:37 am #101385IwantmebackParticipant
Oh my darling girl. I’m so so sorry to hear what you’ve had to endure. It never ceases to amaze me what these men will do, those who are supposed to love us. This is not your fault or your childrens, this is all on him.
Contact women’s aid and victim support, WA have children’s support workers too. You are worth so much more than this. Let your body heal, in time your brain will heal too. I feel words are so inadequate for what you’ve gone through, I just wanted to reach out to you, let you know there’s people who care.
Take care of yourself sweetheart, post whenever you need to, how often you need to.
21st April 2020 at 11:10 pm #101436HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Hi Manifest, welcome, i’m speechless at the utter horror you went through, extreme physical abuse and also extreme coercive control, I can’t find any words of comfort, there are none, it’s just absolutely awful.
I hope your family is supportive of you and can take your children off you and tend to their daily care.
What a shock this all must be. Your life turned completely up side down.
You need time to care for yourself now, recover physically and slowly your mind will gain in strength too.
I wish the best possible medical care for you, adapted nourishment to ease your broken jaw, I hope you’re provided with oxygen mask to help your breathing.
Feeling anger is very understandable, you’ve been through so very much, your emotions must be released and will from now on because you are free to do so, even if they do come out all messed up and chaotic, know that from here on out you won’t be punished anymore for feeling whatever goes through you. You may be going from (very) angry to crying to numbness to a wish to isolate yourself. Look up the five stages of grieve.
Also search for trauma bonding, this will help you understand why missing him is completely normal, even though he hurt you terribly, you won’t switch off the need for his presence, direction and approval from one day to the next. It is very important to keep safe going through the process of withdrawal from him, he is very dangerous and could have killed you. Do not contact him directly ever.
Ask a family member to talk to your children, they too are feeling anger and upset at the changed situation and need explaining at their level of understanding on what really happened. They can contact WA for support on how to find the right words.
For immediate mind relaxation, I find any guided relaxation and visualisation
I wish for you a long lasting rest allowing you to recover physically and mentally.
Keep posting and take good care of yourself
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