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Hi, me again, I feel like I just need to rant, I have been feeling very low for a few weeks. Constantly doubting myself, feeling like I’m not enough and that my family don’t care, which of course they do, I know they do, I think it stemmed from when my gran had a go at me about her bday, calling me selfish and saying I don’t give a s**t, know one has spoken to me like that since my ex, I’m not saying my family are abusive not all but it such a small thing has triggered something in me that knocked back my confidence.
Something minor that everyone else has forgotten about now has stuck in my head my mum has noticed I’ve been saying bad things about myself but I can’t open up to anyone else because they won’t understand, I’ve had ciunciling but don’t want to go on another waiting list, me and my daughter are going away for the weekend (detail removed by Moderator) I’m hoping the change of scenery will make me feel better I definitely need to recharge my batteries in my brain x -
hello, I can totally relate to this. I had something similar with someone just taking the same tone as my ex at work, and now I pretty much can’t work. I have tried to get over it, but it just keeps triggering all the stress in my head and I kind of freeze up and burst in to tears a lot.
it’s so horrible feeling so broken isn’t it. It feels so unfair how this stuff bleeds into and damages other unrelated parts of our life. It’s like they’ve taken away our ability to react normally, and that makes it hard to feel like ourselves.
have you talked to anyone else in your family about how your gran reacted? Maybe their reaction to her might help put how you’re feeling in a bit of context?
I don’t have lots of suggestions, I just don’t want you think you’re alone in feeling like this. Stuff is weird in our brains right now, we are like a raw emotional wound that even the slightest bit of social salt makes sore. To be fair your gran sounds like she might have gone off the deep end though – what did you do, leave a poo on her cake??
big hugs xx
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It’s been nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years since I left so I feel like I should be over it now,
Basically I couldn’t afford a bday present so I made her a card but she saw it as selfish and called me al sorts, at the moment she is caring for my grandad who is having (detail removed by Moderator) for (detail removed by Moderator) also caring for my great grandma with (detail removed by Moderator) so at the time I believe it was a bad day and I was unfortunately there to bare he brunt of it, I know I wasn’t the only one to not get her anything, I found that out when I spoke to my sister and was slightly annoyed that she wasn’t yelled at, but I can sympathise because she has an awful lot going on
As I said it’s all forgotten now but for me it has knocked my confidence x -
that’s such a good point – how she reacted, what she said, is all about her and her emotions, and not really at all about you and your actions. And I guess similarly, how you’re feeling, the low confidence, is more about you, and how you’re feeling about yourself. If you were feeling healed it might not have hurt so much.
Have you done things that have helped to build up your confidence before? Is there anything you do that makes you feel proud? I was feeling really s**t earlier, so I went and did a couple of things off my to do list, and that made me feel a bit better about myself. Only little things like sorting a bill out, but at least now I can say I actually got something done today rather than just felt s**t and mopey…
it’s hard to heal without the right help…maybe it’s worth getting on a list for counselling. With luck you might not need it when it comes round to being your turn, but at least it gets you a step closer if you’re still feeling like this in a few weeks
hope you have a great break with your daughter
xx -
I can really relate to all you are saying. It’s years now since things have been safe in my life but it still affects me. I feel like i have to spend so much time working on myself so I can be normal. Even the smallest things set me off and I’m reading the room constantly to check things are ok. It’s really tiring. Recently my first boyfriend tried to add me on social media – it wasn’t a happy time and i really don’t think that was even a healthy relationship, even though it wasn’t as bad as the one that sent me round the bend .. . It’s thrown me into a bit of a wobble. I can’t understand how they have such a different view of what happened between us? How can I feel so upset and nervous of them and they have the sort of impression that we would want to get back in touch? It really makes me doubt myself. Maybe i expect too much from other people?
I’m having quite a hard time at the mo with accepting that I’ve wasted all this time. Life is so short, and I’ve spent a lot of mine in relationships with abusive types, or trying to get over the abuse. I feel like I’ve wasted precious time that I’ll never get back now. I feel really guilty and remorseful about this and have so many regrets. I’m trying to stay in the moment and I’m so grateful for my life now, but it does sometimes seem like when things are getting better, someone creeps out of the woodwork to bring me back to the past . I just want to forget it all!
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I am so sorry u feel this way too! It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it? I think a big part of me wanted to rush everything after I left my ex I was quite nieve thinking il get over it but it is taking me so long and I don’t think I will all we can do is use it to make us stronger and wiser , not let them take up our energy they don’t deserve it!
We deserve happiness, freedom and the ability to be positive
❤️❤️❤️
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