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Hi, I’ve been here before and today I’ve not been able to get out of bed. After we had a lovely day with friends, a delicious meal followed by lots of drinks he turned into what I describe as his ‘dark zone’. When he gets like this he cannot stop, his eyes change and his mannerisms change. Everything I do is wrong. (Detail removed by moderator). When we got home he said he wanted to kill himself. When I got upset he just mocked me for crying.(Detail removed by moderator). This morning he blamed me and said I shouldn’t wake him up. (Detail removed by moderator). He taunted me in this voice he puts on. I’ve been here before but today is the worst I’ve ever felt. (Detail removed by moderator) he made me have sex with him. It’s confusing because he’s not rough but does not accept no so I just let him. If I ever got upset about this I know he’d say I’m being dramatic and playing a victim. If he knows I’ve been in bed all day he’ll tell me I’m lazy. I’m just so depressed I don’t know what to do. Well, I do know but I don’t have the energy to leave him or argue. He’s nice mostly and everybody loves him, he’s charming and the life and soul of the pub/party/town that we live in. But he has this other side and I know that he will be angry with me that this happened. Last time he decided we needed ‘space’ and gave me the silent treatment for week’s, he would want to see me for 1-2 nights but then ignore me until I was desperate just to know that he wasn’t just using me. He has this way of making me feel ashamed like it’s my fault. It feels like punishment. Once I decided to move on he decided he wanted me back. And for weeks it’s been amazing until (detail removed by moderator).I expect it will all repeat.
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It’s called the cycle of abuse. Google it. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Contact your local womens aid for support. It’s going to get way worse. You can’t handle this on your own. Google trauma bonding. Cognitive dissonance. Power and control wheel. This man knows exactly what he’s doing and can control himself, (detail removed by moderator).
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