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When I was in the Womens Aid safe refuge with my children – i had to give up my old life….the good parts were my freinds and my businesses. I had to pause everything and start anew. My children had to go to new school.
When contact resumed with thier dad I found myself alone for the very first time ever. I had been with this man over half my life.I woke up one morning alone and sat on the edge of the bed….I opened my arms wide and said to myself….im going on an ADVENTURE!
And I did – it wasnt mountain climbing or white water rafting – but it was an adventure. Why? BECAUSE I CHOSE IT TO BE.
I caught a train to the nearest city (im a rural girl) and bought myself sexy underwear! I bought make up and browsed shops I wouldnt normally browse in.
I went to a hairdresser and cut my hair just the way he hated it…my abusive ex said I was ugly with a fringe. Then I went dancing with a male friend (nothing sexy in it – just freinds) and danced til 3 am. What a wonderful adventure.I HAD TO MAKE MYSELF DO IT!
AT times i felt guilt and shame but I shook that off. Not emotions I have to carry anymore.
You beautiful courageous women! I urge you….implore you all….love your self…gently…fiercely…
Adventures are all around – make the mundane exciting and the dull bright…PEACE XX
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Dear jackjack, your post was amazingly inspiring, thank you so much for sharing this positive story with us. I too am free and mainly living the life that I want to. It is possible to feel relaxed, content, ambitious, in charge and optimistic. Very small simple things like sitting on your sofa to watch TV or doing a food shop. These small things feel me with joy as i know the world is my oyster. X*X
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Totally agree – the first time I had MY own money in MY hand to go shopping was really exciting. I could do what I pleased. I remember walking into Iceland to get my first food shop and being utterly bonkers happy and then thinking – hey – I can go to Marks and Sparks if I wanted to – so I did. Skipping along those aisles like a dafty. hahaha
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Here here lol
I look in the mirror most days and smile to myself I’m free and feel I’m living life again. Even though there is stress and distress over temporary losses ( ability to work and children) I’m still so much happier with myself and my choices. I’ve grown enormously in the months since getting away, and realise I was stagnant for many years. My new life is exciting and rewarding. I’m finding the real me and starting to love her. -
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I love to sing and perform and for a long time I was gradually losing my spark and confidence to the point where solo performance in a public space was a rare occurence and often beset by problems – sabotage and gaslighting….
This week I have taken my instruments and my voice into local events and did my thing. I had to battle every little bad voice telling me im not good enough. I was given praise by those who were around me – you have to push yourself.
It is sheer b****y mindedness that is gonna get the real you back. push push push —breathe—-push….like being reborn x -
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I completely agree. I have to keep retelling myself that I am not nothing. I can wear my hair how I like, wear freaky granny pants if I want. I am really trying to get onto a masters course in the hope that one day I’ll be confident enough to go back to work.
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ha ha love the freaky granny pants Freedoms I got some knickers once and said to him do you like them ? no he said they are not sexy ???? what was that all about ,grown my hair not been near a hairdresser in years as he told me to go get it done and when I came back would say it not look any different or dont know hwy you go you have know what you want doing ,go clothes shopping for what I want not what he told me to buy and as for ADVENTURES ,well ladies that’s a whole different ball game as I have a campervan so me and my dogs go on adventures all the time ,could tell you some right tales but have to go now x*x
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It is a very inspiring topic…
It does show that life must be so much better when you get free. By living on my own, I have a chance to do things that I was not able to do before, or was not able to do them at the extent I would have liked.(like take as long in the supermarket as I please, have showers twice a day, or watch a movie, listen to MY music). But I am still tied to him. I feel I can’t make a decision that it is too impulsive. I still think what he might think or say… There are so many things I would do if I fully broke up. -
Hello all, it has been a while since I logged on. Thank you for your replies. Since then a lot has happened. I have become (detail removed by Moderator) and rekindled a love with my childhood sweetheart. He respects me and loves me as I am without judgement. I was already falling in love with my self again before he came back into my life and that was important part of healing.
Love yourself.
You are loveable.
My abusive ex has not had contact with our children for nearly (detail removed by Moderator). He is refusing my offers of supervisory contact because of his behaviour and our adult child’s behaviour (who still lives with him). He is now in the process of applying for legal aid (detail removed by Moderator) all communication with him is through solicitor now. I know he hates it. I no longer have contact with my eldest children as it is not safe. He has poisoned them against me and they too have abused me. The grief is unbearable at times but I keep moving forward, protecting the younger ones as best I can and not be dragged down by him. I refuse to be beaten down into despair. It does not mean I do not feel the deep pain but I refuse to show it by my actions. I keep on going with my dreams and one day they will wake up like i did and come back to me.
Love to you all x
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Dear jackjack, thank you so much for your original post. Something like that is quite rare to see on here and is a real inspiration. It’s so hard for us all fighting against what we never thought we would have to and to know others can look forward like that is amazing. I see from your last post how hard things have been, you have been so brave. I hope I can find some of the strength you have.
I wish you well in your life and your adventures X -
Very well, jackjack, you have an inspiring post!
To find love towards yourself is vital, then the rest will fall in and good life ahead will be. Now I’m too learning to love myself, and today I went to the gym, first time for the last 4 years.
I felt a bit shy,to be again in the crowd, among people I do not know. For a long time I felt comfy only in my room and if to go out, only with close friends, which was not too often.
I’m going on my second year when I went no contact, so it is my achievement and I plan to reward myself for this.
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