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    • #126578
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Made a big mistake (detail removed by moderator). Dropped the kids off to my ex and he asked me to come in (detail removed by moderator). I came in and upstairs and when he followed me in and locked the door I realised what a fool I had been. He forced himself on me, luckily the kids were downstairs. I said no and I didn’t want to and we’re not together anymore but didn’t make any difference. He just kept saying I’m still his wife, tried kissing me and I just turned my head. Feeling dirty and stupid now. I just wanted things to be amicable.

    • #126581
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi MeAgain

      I just wanted to show you some support. This was not your fault at all, you did nothing wrong, you are not stupid. He had no right to do this to you, you did not consent, this is rape even if you are still married. You could speak to Rape crisis for support https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ They can also put you in touch with local sexual violence services that can explore your next steps with you.

      I am really sorry to hear what you went through, we are all here for you.

      Take care and keep posting,

      Lisa

    • #126586
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Thank you Lisa just feel very stupid for going in, just wanted to make it nicer for kids as they complain there are bored when their there. It’s done now wont be going in again on the plus side it was over very quickly just a bit sore I wasn’t ready so to speak. Just don’t understand why he would do it its not loving and he could find someone else easily. Thanks for replying

    • #126610
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Picked kids up and he acted as if nothing had happened, was actually in a very good mood. Been doing my head in all night keep thinking I could have done more to stop it. I think I could have done but meeting up with social services (detail removed by moderator) and the last thing I need is visible marks when they are only just backing off. I could hear my youngest daughter was playing (detail removed by moderator) so didn’t want to distress her. I just don’t understand why he would do it.

      • #126622
        Hawthorn
        Participant

        MeAgain my heart breaks for you. He is a monster. This was not your fault, please don’t blame yourself by thinking you should, or could have done anything to stop him. This is sadly a common tactic used by abusers when their partners leave them. He forced you because he wanted you to feel bad about yourself, to feel shame, and to exert his power and control over you. It is HIS fault. HIS shame. Not yours. Please don’t carry it for him. If you can please reach out to the lovely ladies at RapeCrisis. They will support you and you need and deserve support. Sending love and support xx

    • #126617
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Oh Goodness MeAgain, I am so sorry he did this to you. It’s heartbreaking to hear what happened, and even more so that he could be so cruel while you were still thinking of your children. I’m sending you a really big hug!

      You are not stupid for going in. I can tell from your posts that you just wanted things to be better for your kids. Abuser’s exploit kindness and empathy. You acted in good faith and he chose to violate your personal boundaries in an appalling way. It was not your fault.

      It sounds to me like you were in such a difficult position, not wanting to upset the kids, not wanting to create issues with social services. You made the best decisions you could at the time and you did not deserve what happened.

      It’s totally normal to feel shame, guilt and confusion. That’s what he wants you to feel. He wants you to think it’s your fault so he can get away with it. He’s trained you to believe you are always to blame for what he does. That’s how abusers are able to keep abusing people.

      You’re right, rape isn’t loving. It’s about power and control, just like the rest of the abuse. I hope this isn’t too blunt, but he didn’t simply want sex, he wanted to wield his power over you. I struggle to understand this sort of thing, but I think that’s because we’re looking at it through the eyes of someone with empathy. Abusers do not have empathy for us, that’s why they keep doing what they do.

      If you haven’t read up on abuse, I would recommend it to help make sense of what he’s done. I haven’t experienced this type of thing but I know others on here have and can give more advice than me.

      Sending lots of love and hugs xxxx

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