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Has anyone been a victim of domestic abuse then actually been made out to be the abuser by their previous partner!? He is putting allover social media that he was the victim of abuse!? And im absolutely gobsmacked!! Honestly dont understand why he would do that ? There is a case against him too so just found it so strange that he randomly has come out with that i was the abuser!? Ive honestly sat there for the last few hours questioning everything actually making me question if im an abuser!? My head is a complete mess:'(
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Hi,
Yes, my ex will still to this day make out that I was the evil one in our relationship. He was a victim of parental kidnap because I ran off with our son. That is his truth and belief. I ran off with our son because of the abuse, I know my truth and belief. I can’t change his view of what happened and he can’t change my view of what happened. I was the one that ruined him, that is his belief. He is the one that ruined me, that is my belief.
What your ex believes is out of your control. What he is putting on social media is out of your control. Social media is just a tool for us to express ourselves, we can portray ourselves to be whatever we want to be. Just because it’s on social media doesn’t make it true.
Do not worry yourself with what is out of your control. How can you see what he has put? If you can still view his social media then block him. If friends are telling you what he is posting, or screen shotting it and sending it to you, tell them you don’t want to know. You need to block these avenues of him still being able to get to you, because if he can still get to you, even without knowing it, he is winning.
You don’t need to understand why he would post this. You don’t need to understand him anymore. Understanding him and wondering why he does things is no longer your job or concern. That’s why you have left him.
By moving on from abusers we have to learn to let things go and not to let certain things get to us, otherwise we are still tethered to our unhappy past.
You know your truth. You don’t have to justify yourself to his social media comments. Maintain that dignified silence. At the end of the day, people will believe what they want to believe anyway.
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Yeah mutaual friends have told me. Everything you said makes a lot of sense but im still struggling to accept the abuse so for me to now hear that is what is being said about me has really hurt.
I know i have nothing to prove to anyone and the truth will come out soon enough but just feels like an injustice of what me and the children have been through -
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Yes. My ex also did this and is still doing so. Sadly, some of the things that we have to do can make it look like we’re the abusive ones.
Mine tried to claim financial abuse. What he didn’t tell anyone was that he completely emptied the accounts he had access to and that he gave me a maximum spend that I could go up to. I actually have that in writing, he wrote down how much of my own money I could spend without his permission.
I also followed advice from WA for moving out. He claims this was abusive because I didn’t discuss moving out, I just left. I can’t say what he omitted to tell people because it would be identifying but needless to say, he was very selective in what he told people.
He managed to convince a lot of people that he wasn’t abusive and that I was mad and abusive. I’m still struggling with that but coming to the conclusion now that it doesn’t matter. They’re welcome to him. Good luck to them, sooner or later they’re going to need it.
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Same here. He seems to really believe it aswell and has convinced others too. He’s really gone to town with it, accusing me of emotional, physical, financial and sexual abuse. I was gobsmacked when I first heard, but try to not think about it too much. I know the truth and just try to hold on to that. Sometimes it can be very hard though, I never thought he would stoop so low, silly me!
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Yes!!! Me too
He has convinced his family who literally saw what he was like and does the same psychological s**t to them too. Mutual friends (although his friends cause he made me ditch all mine at the beginning) same thing.
Im still in the thick of it but one day ill be gone and free and the people i know wont know him and my family know the truth. What those people choose to believe is up to them, i dont fully feal it yet but i know one day i will.
They are awful people, its just another leg of their abuse. They wont be happy until theyve completely annihilated us and even then itll be on to the next victim. Disgusting xx
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I can totally relate to this, and unfortunately a lot of people have believed him because on the outside he’s a nice bloke. Insult to injury to be made out to be such a bad person after everything he did to me. I really, really, really struggle with this, it’s so unfair. I’d love to say I don’t care but I do, and I don’t think there’s any way of convincing those people that it’s just not true. Until or unless he does it to someone else……and then I hope all those people realise what they put me through by believing his lies.
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Ahh but you don’t have to let this tactic work on you, right? It’s a tried and true thing they all do, I call it flipping it. For one, they aren’t going to take responsibility for anything so the easiest thing to do is just project it back onto the victim. They hit you and then say but you made me do it or you goaded me into it or you hit me first! Typical bullying behavior so please don’t spend one more minute, not one more second on allowing it to go round and round in your head. Then he wins. So don’t let him win. Just Stop and say – Oh nooooo you don’t bubba. Oh no, no, no and No, not happening! Nice try but no cigar here. Pull the poison dart out and pull your big girl panties up, put your boots on and smile a big smile and keep on track here!
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I didn’t know that @whosthatgirl That just adds insult to injury doesn’t it?
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