making a stand or am I being a fool

[Falling Skys]

As many of you know I am in the same house as my abuser till it sales.

I have just come in after spending the day out of the way. The house is cold accept for the room he and my son is in. I normally go into the back room and on the sofa which use to be the dogs which is very uncomfortable. I have now sat in my lounge between them, o the joy of sitting in a comfy chair.

I feel that I have been pushed out and making a small stand. I know there will be repercussions but at the moment it seems worth it.

[KIP.]

It must be so painful emotionally for you. To think of this as a stand. But you’re making yourself anxious by doing this. It must be torture. You have a job. Could you rent a flat or even a room in a nice woman’s home until your house sells. My husband agreed to move out but never did. I have the feeling your husband is stringing this out. Even if someone puts in an offer, he can turn it down. Why would he move when he’s got power and control where he is? You won’t win against an abuser because they have no rules or boundaries. Take care❤️

[Falling Skys]

KIP

Thank you, writing it down makes me know what a mess I have become. I held out for two hours. I could see it was winding him up, but for the life of me I really don’t know why I did it.

I have been advised by my solicitor to stay put. But I think I will have to talk to them again. My worry is if I do go he will never sale.

You are also right about him stringing things out, I found out he didn’t return the divorce papers which prolong it for four months. No its got to go to court as he is ignoring letters for my solicitor and refuses to go to mediation.

On the whole though no a nice experience being in the house it has been a benefit to lay his abuse to rest.

Do you think they will ever get bored with mind games?

[Tamra]

Falling Sky’s,
If you can find the strength to fight this though your husband has made loads of mistakes that will go against him in court
1 not retuning papers
2 refusing mediation
3 abuse of course
4 he will be made to sell by the court and you can be the main person that deals with the sale if he is a nightmare about it

Stand your ground if you can. Check with your solicitor you can have him removed under unreasonable behaviour or you can leave due to safety. You have more legal stuff on your side just from this post you have written and the fact you are married you are due 50% at the very least. If you want this to end stick it out and see your solicitor and push it.
Sorry to be tough but you have to push solicitors to get anywhere.
They never change and when he sees he pushes your buttons he will do it more and no they don’t get bored so everything he does actually goes against him.

Stay safe though big hug to because this is such a tough time for you right now

Xx

[KIP.]

Tamara is right. They never change. He’s thriving off the power and control he has over you. It’s making him feel strong and sucking the life from you. He’s in his element. He’s going nowhere voluntarily. Tell your solicitor you are in extreme danger and want this mess sorted now. I know how hard it is to leave your home. I was told to leave, that I was in danger but I was so muddled with the abuse, I couldn’t see the danger I was in. He attacked me, was arrested and bailed. Don’t let it get that far. Also, your son will see this behaviour and think it’s normal and acceptable. Take care. Remember 2 women a week are killed by their current or ex partner. Stay safe❤️

[Lisa]

Hi Falling Skys,

The women are all right, plus it was wrong of your solicitor to tell you to stay put. It might financially be better but when there is domestic abuse that is unsafe to do. I think a good step for you to take would be to call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and speak to worker there about the situation. Like you said above, sometimes you can see the situation clearly until you speak to someone and then it becomes clear. You’re living with this abuse day in day out, your vision is blurred. You are at risk there and not happy. Things don’t necessarily need to be this way.

Well done for speaking out to us. These steps are all a valuable part of making positive changes.

Best wishes

Lisa

Forum Moderator

[Falling Skys]

Hi Lisa, KIP, Tamra,

Just found this post, I have problems navigating the new site so I can’t always find what I have posted…..

I am sorting out the paperwork for the financial part of my separation, I will enclose examples of all the different types of abuse that I have endured in a letter to my solicitor. I have said he is abusive but not in detail as I still cry, so in away its partly my fault that she doesn’t realise what I am and have been through.

[Ayanna]

Also contact Rights of Women. You need to choose the call back option. They are brilliant with legal advice. x*x

[Falling Skys]

Thankyou Ayanna

I will google them

FS xx

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