6th April 2021 at 10:04 am #124371
I dropped my kids at my recent exes (detail removed by moderator) and my middle child has told him I’ve been texting someone – which I have , its been nice to talk to soneone who actually nice to me. Hes now useing that knowledge as ammunition calling me saying that Ive left him because I’ve met someone else, and told the kids that all the issues we have at the moment is because of me. Up untill I left him they didn’t like him but now all they keep doing is blaming me for everything. I don’t want to get it off bed this morning feeling so deflated and wondering if it was me but regardless of who was abusive it wasn’t a healthy loving relationship. Kids are only seeing there dad for a couple of hours a week so they are only seeing the good side and having fun none of the chores or homework that they have to do at home. My middle child is just continually insulting me and behaving just like he used to. I’m trying to stay calm but it’s so stressful and exhausting. I literally have to do everything on my own he’s not contributing financially but he’s still come up smelling of roses 🙁
6th April 2021 at 6:57 pm #124411DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful Angel… meagain,
Hold that thought that you were not in a healthy loving relationship
It is difficult when you have children and there is still contact
Could you try and explain to your children that some things that are discussed at your house are to be kept private?
You are quite entitled to speak to another guy and have your own life, if you and your ex are over.
Maybe in future do not divulge this information to your children until you are sure it is going somewhere and then that doesn’t put them in a position.
Maybe also explain to your children why things are upsetting you, so they start to understand.
Kids will always try to play parents off against each other, and in the case of an abusive ex understand he will probably encourage this.
Ultimately though what you do is your business so as long as you believe it is the right thing to do, stand by your truth and stand strong
Sending you continued love and support
7th April 2021 at 9:27 am #124439
Thank you so much Darcy for your reply and continued support. The text flashed up on my (detail removed by moderator) read it and reported it back to him. It wasn’t a romantic text but he is still making out it must be as I’m talking to a man thats not him. Its someone I’ve been freinds with a long time but not spoken to untill recently. I guess I was upset they have been so quick to forget how horrible he was when we were together, and my eldest child used to tell me to leave him and told me go call the police but when I finally did he’s turned on the charm and it feels like they are taken in. But I suppoise I was fooled by his same charm and stayed with him for so long they are only doing what they have been taught – ignore the terrible behaviour and enjoy the good times. I have spoken at length with my (detail removed by moderator) child about keeping my life private but he is very manipulative and I think will always ask them. I have now changed the settings on my watch. Meeting with social services (detail removed by moderator) and he is refusing to cooperate with them so its another things I have to deal with, Hes told the kids not to tell them anything so its always a bit tricky.
Thank you for replying sending hugs xx
7th April 2021 at 9:42 am #124441DarcyParticipant
Sending you love & support for today
Stay true to yourself, it may not always be popular to everyone else or to their liking, but if you are being true you cant be wrong
Believe you know what to do … I believe in you xx
11th April 2021 at 9:24 am #124665Living WarriorParticipant
I just wanted to say, I have been there.
Still there in some ways. No one likes change! I think most people need someone to blame when things change.
And as you left (as did i) we are to blame for the change..
These men play on this and make us feel worse.. they reinforce to our children that change is bad.
We just need to reinforce that change is not always bad… we need things to change to grow as people and learn.
To be happy and thrive…
As Darcy has said, as long as u are true to yourself, things will be OK, when you start to compromise your thoughts that is a slippery slope and these men know that.
The slippery slope to going back.
He will try to manipulate the situation until u don’t know if you are right or wrong anymore…
You KNOW the type of relationship you had.. kids will learn as they get older. It’s hard! Stay strong. X*X
14th April 2021 at 11:15 am #124772
Thank you for your reply sorry I didn’t see it. Yes he is trying to manipulate the situation he alternates between acusing me of having an affair to calling and saying he is sorry and let’s reconcile. I think it’s easier for him to blame them accept responsibility. In the last few years I always had to appologise for him hitting me it was never his fault.
I think me and my children are finally seeing change is good, we have a had a lovely week so far.
I have to keep reminding myself how bad it was at times, I still feel I guilty for what I did too, allthough pushed to it it wasn’t right and I have to remind myslef I don’t ever want to behave like that either.
I’ve never hit before in a relationship and don’t want to have to, to defend myself.
I’m just focusing on doing what I enjoy again and trying to move on.
Sending love and hugs xx
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