Making that Choice

[keepmovingfoward]

Hi, I’ve been post a few weeks now and felt I needed to share a little more now things have settled. my separation from my abuser is different as other parties are involved. my now husband is under investigation with the police. his online activity was flagged as a serious safeguarding issue. social services got involved. then came a whirlwind of confusion just after having major operation on my sinus. social services deemed us in a controlling relationship which shocked me, but that though never left me. and for several weeks i was determined to support him due to his own abusive past. then gaps started appearing, big holes in my trust for him were starting to appear and i began to query the way we were together. i realised all wasn’t as it seemed.
i was still determined that i wasn’t going to be forced to make a decision as i knew i needed to be certain and stick to it. I have (detail removed by moderator) i can’t read between the lines, i take everything as truth. i spend considerable time seeking out his behavioural patterns, noting changes in the facts that kept changing, and began to realise he was twisting them, manipulating them. then i noticed other emotional and phychological things he was doing. he was increasing my dependance on him by involving himself more in my work, his demands were increasing, he was getting increasingly abrupt.
then one day he said something that struck me as very profound. your not the person i thought i married! BINGO! there it was, he answered given me the question that had been sat on my tongue. he wasnt the person i thought i’d married. i had modified myself to please him and as a result put custody of my children at risk. he was never physically abusive but he messed with my head and had revealed enough information to make me scared about what he was capable of. I knew he could inflict severe harm had he wanted too.

the childrens dad is seeking custody, over the investigation. i needed to make a decision to protect us. i have now left my abuser, because my decision was reached by my own conclusion i know without a doubt i can and will stick by this. i deed polled my name back to the same as my children. now once my abusers property is out of my garage he needs to stay out of mine and my childrens lives.

i realise now he was a (detail removed by moderator) a sociopath and he was frequently gaslighting me, all terms ive managed to find, research and come to terms with thankyou to finding this wonderful forum. its let me understand that none of this is my fault other than the fact that i have always tried to see the good in people.

[lover of no contact]

Well done keepmovingforward. Abuse and abusers are cunning, baffling and powerful. Its a miracle that we eventually see ‘the wood for the trees’. Just goes to show they are not as invincible or powerful as they think. ‘We do wake up and smell the coffee’. The 3 A’s, Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

You have taken the action now and gone No Contact and that is great. And its great you are so determined and resolute..”you can and you will stick by it”..brilliant! And we are here to support you and share our experiences so keep posting!

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