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    • #16877

      I wonder if practising the art of Acceptance would help us cope with this traumatic and deeply distressing emotions? I.e Accepting what is and what you are feeling rather than stuff it down with food, alcohol, denial etc. An example of what I mean is:

      Someone at work I do not like and I have chosen to approach this person by ignoring her (my coping strategy), not giving her any time, attention or even a backward glance. I am giving her the silent treatment which I expect is not morally correct or kind but I have my reasons. The best thing that she can do is to fully accept my manner without trying to change it, manipulate it or wish for something else. This is what I think I am getting from my ex now though cannot be sure as we split, it is normal to break ties when couples split. There was gas lighting & mental abuse during & after we split so I’m not sure if he is giving me the silent treatment or we have come to normal end.

      I am wondering if those of us who have such awful trauma bonding and missing people etc would benefit from thinking this way. In my own case, my ex’s complete disguard and dropping me, I would accept this, breathe and go about my life. Lets see how it works in reality. My earlier post, the Hermann Hesse quote entitled ‘Love Your Suffering’ reflects this well.
      http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/123327-you-know-quite-well-deep-within-you-that-there-is

    • #16883
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi HA,

      Yes, I have read of and tried this aling the road to recovery.

      My counsellor says that when I feel the fear/ hurt/ panic coming in at me, not to hide from it or fight it, but to actually greet it and acknowledge it is there. You might even give it a name. Then once you’ve accepted it’s there, you can move on to other things. Therefore, you might call this negative parcel of feelings ‘Fred’ or something similar!

      Sounds crazy, but it helps! You are making something which see,s overwhelming manageable. You are naming it. Fighting what is is exhausting. We can’t change reality, only our reaction to it. Acknowledgement, acceptance and letting it wash through you and over you- you are training your mind to get out of that terrifying fight and flight mode, which many of us had enough of when our abusers were there physically.

    • #16958
      SaharaD
      Participant

      Acceptance is part of the therapy I receive to deal with emotional pain/distress.

      Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and also Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem
      Solving (STEPPS). These two therapies focus a lot on emotions.

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