Managing the silent treatments

[Startingtogo]

I’ve gone from being sworn and shouted at and being told I was worthless and a liar and being accused of having an affair and flirting with work collegues (not bad when I’m working from home) to the silent treatment. We are now just two people living in a house and doing everything seperately. This has now escalated into the coldest thing of all the silent treatment. Not even chatting about things we need to discuss like the pets. (detail removed by Moderator) I was making breakfast in the kitchen and my partner walked in, saw I was there and pretty much decided the best way to deal with me was to turn their back and social distance. I know it’s over and baby steps are being taken for me to move on but the silence is unbearable. It feels like a torture punishment for something I haven’t done. How do I deal with this?

[Lisa]

Hi Startingtogo,

How are you since posting? I am sorry to hear how your partner is behaving, the silent treatment is another way to control and is understandably very difficult for you. Please do lean on any support available and keep posting to us when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Risingup]

Hi Startingtogo, I just wanted to show my support. I completely understand how painful silent treatment is and the psychological aspect is debilitating What you wrote really resonates with me. I have just come out of 3 week of on off silent treatment. In the end I was so starved and felt so weak that when he started to talk to me, I was so desperate to have any contact that I allowed him in again. The silent treatment originally started because I called him out on his abuse. Writing this down makes me realise how crazy this is….I call him out on being abusive and he stops talking to me. I now realise how trauma bonded I am.

Just reading your post, I can hear your strength, so keep going xx

[KIP.]

It’s supposed to be punishment for something you haven’t done. That’s where the gaslighting and crazy making behaviour comes in. Why would be be punished for something we haven’t done. It makes us feel crazy. That we must have done something wrong. It causes us to reality test. Confusion and fear follow. We think we are going crazy. You’re being abused and this is what happens. Nothing will change until you step back from the crazy and break that bond. Looking to an abuser for any kind of validation is a recipe for disaster x

[Headcook]

Ahh the silent treatment
Makes you feel worthless and invisible

Sadly that’s what they want you to feel
Shocking way to treat another human being let alone someone they say they love and care about

I used to be elated each time just because he spoke to me. !!

Keep moving forward baby steps to a better place.
So sorry you are worth far more you deserve far more.

Much love
Hc.

[Buddy]

I can fully sympathise , I am getting the silent treatment also ..
I am throwing myself into work , working especially on the weekend helps me deal with it . I came home from work and he is cooking Sunday lunch as he always does and he said to my daughter , ask your mother if she is joining us for lunch .. I suspect it’s to make him look good in the children’s eyes , even if that’s not the case , am I supposed to be grateful for a crumb of attention from him , when I have done nothing wrong ?
It truly messes with your head and it is emotional abuse to make you feel that you are in the wrong , by punishing you .
I am not making any overtures , I treat him as he treats me now !!
Even though it causes me anxiety I am strong enough now as sick of feeling worthless and having my self esteem knocked .
Don’t play up to it xx

[Startingtogo]

Hi there. It’s been a hard but hopefull weekend. I’ve made a really positive step and called the employee counselling and support service my company provides. It was really good to just be able to speak to a lovely counsellor about things and start to think of what I want to do next and what support I need. It’s going to be a long haul and it doesn’t make the silence any easier but it’s feels like a step forward. All of kind supportive comments are just so lovely, thank you.

[KIP.]

Well done. Just keep taking those baby steps and keep your phone on you fully charged at all times. Don’t be scared to ring 999 if you ever feel threatened x

[Anonymous]

Just showing my support – I’m in the middle of a silent treatment phase too. Sometimes it’s actually hard to know if it’s worse than the other phase – “speaking to me like dog poop”.

I try to focus on steps towards independence and finding joy from talking to others. OK it means I talk a wee bit too much to the supermarket cashiers but it makes it more bearable.

Stay strong x

[Author]

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