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Hi ladies I was just describing this manipulation tactic..to another forum user, thought I’d run it by you all see what you have to say about his mind numbing weirdness.
The constant emotional abuse which runs you ragged, the endless problems & no solutions.Running rings round me, I’d try to state a point, clearly, that didn’t need a comment…he would jump in as if to straighten out my points, sometimes correcting my speech ( the height of rudeness!!😳&/ or dampening my enthusiasm, twisting my words..then making them his! Mirroring any good bits, like it was his suggestions…I’d think…what just happened?!
I’d try to clarify it again, like…no that wasn’t my point, it was this, again he’d just talk about whatever, as long as it wasn’t anything related to my original point! Taking me further away from me..
Do you know what I mean?It was strange the manipulation, I know, now it’s control, being in it it’s difficult to describe, to anyone that hasn’t been there.
Mind games constantly though is punishing.A couple more points, I reckon a lot of abusers aren’t reported just because of that…the describing…it’s too difficult to piece together to make it sound credible…like I’m not just a hateful partner, and he’s misunderstood!
No credibility.
I stayed not only because I got hoovered back, & because I thought he would change I doubted myself & seriously couldn’t face the after effects of it…which I’m now having to deal with, it’d be easy to go back, as it would temporarily stop the hurt, but I know that isn’t an option unless I want to further destroy my life.Just more thoughts which keep me awake at night!
Hugs xC -
Oh i hear you with your whole post. I question everything and I contradict myself a lot, i swear I have no real opinions anymore too easily persuaded I am wrong with everything. He is able to charm most males not so much females, professionals love him though and I always feel like they look at me and think oh get a grip and grow some. xx
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…phew…it’s reassuring to hear back from you both…just to connect about the strange episodes that somehow get lost in the drama…yet are the foundation of abuse.
Disrespect under the disguise of…’only joking! & Your far too serious!’
Or, being taken for granted…she will just get on with it, cleaning, sex on tap or being deliberately denied, ignored, working hard, being sociable, fixing all,listening to his boring cr*p, bigging the (detail removed by Moderator) up!, maintaining his ego, listening to his terrible taste in music, his depressive socially inept stories, mirroring, always on a downer, agitated about nothing, picking himself, and complaining about his elbow or a hole LOL! jeez the list is endless…
I had to say this as far too much time is spent being twisted in knots by these pathetic specimens…it’s time to tear them down! Even by sharing it helps to just see them for who they really are…pathetic & ineffectual liars!
Feel free to vent ladies …it Xmas! 😉 C x
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Oh cuppa its such a release reading these posts, its like YES!! SOMEBODY GETS IT!! I keep getting to the point that i cant take anymore and i want to scream or shout at someone, anyone to help me but then the phone is in my hand and i just cant speak, i freeze, i have no idea what to say, what words to use?? Im petrified of being expected to “describe” my situation and not being able to and therefore not being believed because im such a muppet i cant even string a sentence together…..sorry large rant, it was just such a good feeling reading a post that i could have written myself xx
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…Liquorice…fab name choice!..btw
I’m SO pleased that my post strikes a chord with you…as we know it’s SO difficult to articulate what did happen! It’s very reassuring for me to have acknowledgement from other women in the same situ. To clarify that it is actually tactics of abuse that we experienced…not us going madThat’s what kept me awake at night when I was with him, (while he slept soundly)…just going over & over the scenarios trying to figure him…us…this..the whole shebang out!
Wondering, why? Do I feel this way…confused, upset, strange? Like somethings not right…but how can I put my finger on it??
It really nearly sent me into another world of mental ill health, & I totally sympathise with women who have gone down that road, through no fault of their own.A few years ago, I went to the GP saying I had major anxiety problems (out of the blue) I explained that my partner was acting strange…I couldn’t quite explain it, she told me, never to analyse someone else’s mental health…and that I must! be depressed!!….now I know he was a n********t and the situation was coercive control/n**********c abuse/trauma bonding…I lived in fear thinking, I had to just accept this, he was ‘normal’ & I had to stop trying to figure him out, in fact I asked myself, what was wrong with me?!
He had loads of other manipulation tactics up his sleeve, I reckon he tried them out at odd times, to see if they worked or not! With or without plying me with alcohol.. like telling me I’d said something I hadn’t, or (after a few drinks) starting a MAjor row about literally nothing…just an excuse to explode.Or pretending constantly he was sick of one sort or another. Or had money worries, all lies to draw attention to himself, or there were people hanging around outside and it made him nervous, or loud bangs in the street….& he’d like get twisted and twitched by nothing…Seriously strange needs a mental health assessment.
Omg so damaging and destructive….all the women of the world listen to each other and heed the words of survivors!
I’d be interested to hear of manipulation tactics your aware of? It may help us piece together missing bits, when we can identify them as same!
C x
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Im questioning my sanity/depression again today, is it him or is it me, did i misunderstand, not hear correctly, am i actually imagining he said he would do something he never actually said?? Any wsy ive done it myself now, but im sure he said he would?? He also starts arguments over nothing when weve been out for drinks, i end up in tears and have no idea why then the next day im usually physically sore and uncomfortable but hes carrying on as everything is fine so im thinking i was too drunk again and probably started a row?? 🤔🤔 i dunno xmas eve and im spinning in circles asking myself thousands of questions….headache already and theres ages to go yet.
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I love these posts as my ex is an expert in manipulation control and a whole lot more–it is recently I realise the big n********t in him.He got away with everything in court and the powers that be with his methods plus his top academic title. He turned all my relatives against me winning the support of his and my family at the same time but leaving me isolated with no one.Apparently this is the hallmark of a narc or sociopath.
As a child he underwent a common surgical procedure then years later accused me of self surgery (cant say here)to make me look crazy! It wasnt true of course but what massive projection.Years back I had to get a psychiatric report for court.He was ordered too by the judge then surprise surprise-he was too busy to get his own psyc report as he knew there was a lot to hide.I know he has another condition apart from a n**********c personality yet he has spent years shouting about my mental state!
When the police came to our home and my youngest was a small baby I heard him tell the officer:”Im only putting my baby to bed and my wife really is mentally unstable-you name it she has had it-post natal depression PMT,the lot.Making out he was innocent with a mad wife! Manipulation is his middle name and it still goes on through our small grandchildren as if he is addicted to the power.
Jupiter x -
Jupiter & Liquorice…I hear you both loud & clear!
The depths they’ll go to hold no bounds! They just make it up as they go along…I’d say he lives in his own world…just BS falling out his mouth.
It would take my breath away! He’d also cause many rows because of his anger & next day he’d wouldn’t acknowledge his freaky outburst totally loosing it, like an animal, unable to control himself and his expression or screaming/ranting, like a total maniac.
We’d go to a restaurant for instance, and he wouldn’t let a opportunity go by without calling the waitress, trying to p’s off people next to us….even on the street! If things weren’t his decision or out of his control, like queues, airports, social interactions, being late for something. Oh my God he would be seething, sweating, on public transport…his voice and comments getting louder & louder no concern that anyone could hear. I would just die inside, trying to pacify him like a kid, he’d say, nothing’s wrong, what’s your problem! ( clearly was a lot wrong!)or ignore him, like he didn’t exist!
He knew NO limits, and tried to coerce me into his game, baiting me with rubbish about people & what may happen, in a bad way! Non stop! I get on with most people, he was totally anti social, to the point like on a flight he’d literally grind his teeth and turn his face away ( like someone who has lost the plot)…I would have to make feeble excuses, to whoever was next to me! SO embarrassing …apart from the fact he’s seriously messed up in his head!What killed me was his utter non acknowledgement or never & I mean never! an apology…no sorry or thank yous even though he’d bang on about manners ( like I was a child!) he had zilch.
If I said to him, jeez your behaviour was crazy making…he’d say, oh you usually just carry on as normal next day ( err yea in fear…as I didnt want another shouting match!) really like robotic not human non caring no empathy (apparently narcs lack empathy of any sort & demonstrate no responsibility for their actions too true!!!)
My lovely Mum would say, he could argue in a empty house, that’s him in a nutshell…always someone less fault…yet he’d say to me, your always blaming me! I’d say ok tell me when, he couldn’t do it, because it was ALL LIES!
Keep me posted ladies, just hearing their tactics is empowering for us all.
Hugs on Christmas Eve xC
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I send hugs too at xmas along with lots of peace for the new year which we all deserve.
My honest opinion is that a pet animal or wild animal is better company than an abusive man-really!
Earlier I bought a huge fat ball for the birds outside and after dark the same family of slugs appear to feast on it as well! Interesting to watch and what I love most about them is that they are all totally innocent unlike certain humans….I have some coloured lights up round the fireplace-simple but cheerful.
It has taken years for me to learn the importance of good self esteem-tools we need to survive the world and stay safe.If we have this confidence we can do anything we set our heart on.
Jupiter x x -
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Hi ladies…Jupiter please don’t fret…the tags are to link people into the posts…to enable them to read our words about disrespectful men! Tags are useful tools
Not related to us…at all!
& certainly not the bird ball!
Omg we have so much more to get anxious about…except not tonight hey!
Am watching Alan Bennett diaries…such a cultured &
Interesting academic, quiet and polite…and a zillion miles away from the narc world!Luv the slugs and the animal world too
C x
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