Mankys

[lover of no contact]

10th March 2017 at 9:35 am #39110 Reply | Report

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Mankys

Participant

Back here again
Can’t believe back on here again
Why do we believe their lies again again
He was a heavy drug user stealing money off me and my son finally got the police involved and got him arrested and out of my place. Then he gave up drugs made me promises that he would treat me better.so took him back. (detail removed by moderator)years along the line back to old self not taking drugs but threatening me throwing things at me nearly broke my arm smashing up my things now latest saying I have to find another job or he will put me in hospital as I now have friends at work place and Is jealous. Don’t know what to do x*x can’t talk to any one as they will say my thought for going back

[lover of no contact]

Welcome back to the Forum Manky’s. It is normal when abused to take the abuser back. I think the average time the abused person goes back to the abuser could be about 7 times. Abuser’s are very manipulative, persuasive and convincing. Most people are taken in by their winning performances. As we would not carry on like that we find it hard to believe that they are spinning us a yarn to get back control over us and so they can not be without their emotional punch-bag. Its good you are reaching out for support and help to leave him again. You will gain strength from posting on here and reading the posts.

[Mankys]

Thanks for giving me support. My mum is the only one who knows I took him back . Hate lying to family . I was thinking about talking to his family as I am close to them for them to come and get them out . As last time they said why did I not phone them first before going to the police . Feel so alone as I have not told no one what I am going through. Trying to put a brave face on but I did that last time and nearly had a break down.

[Lisa]

Hi Mankys,

I replied to your other post which I hope you have seen. Please find a safe time to phone the helpline as soon as you can before you speak to his family. Speaking to his family may well put you at risk as they may tell him. This could be a dangerous time for you so it is really important to get some professional advice and a safety plan in place.

We are all here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[lover of no contact]

Yes speaking with his family would not be a good idea as in my experience most families will close ranks and support the family member and believe what they say over what you say. It is rare that a whole family will support the ‘victim’ over the perp when the perp. is a member of their family.

Women’s Aid would be a good support along with your mum in your difficult situation. And keep posting to us and we will support you too with our experiences. So many of the women on here have been where you are now (feeling frightened and helpless) but have managed to disentangle themselves from the abuser.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Never rely on their family, waste of time they just cover him up, could u not go to your mum and just stay there, could your family offer support anda take u . Dont feel bad for taking him again, we all lelave when we feel ready

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