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I recall a few months ago when being with him seemed to be so unbearable – I couldnt wait to return home after spending time with him. Now I got what I wanted really – I asked him to leave me alone and so he has….since then I have returned begging and pleading but he has completely ignored me. He said I was narcassistic, emotionally abusive, never gave him sex, toxic, he cant express his opinions etc etc…. I feel confused because I wonder if maybe I am the abuser in this relationship…
He always wanted sex, so much that most of our meetings involved some form of sexual contact. because of covid and coming from an asian household I struggled to make excuses to be staying out. As a result of this we went months on end with no sex. He wasnt comfortable ever introducing me to his family or friends because I sent him to prison. I wasnt really allowed to tell my family either so it was just a very secret relationship. His opinions were very much fuelled by conspiracy theories – he would bombard me with endless covid videos, when I was fed up I would tell him I was tired of hearing about covid. I would get irrateted when he would send me video after video everyday. I told him not to do this anymore so he would insult me as being a sheep and unconscious.
Maybe I have naracassitic traits – i guess if the topic of anti covid didnt fit with what I believed I would shut him down. I have also blocked him multiple times at the back of these discussions – maybe 10 times over the course of last year.
I dont know – dont even know if I am just sat here justifying my own abusive behaviour. maybe he is right
maybe this is why I cant have any proper relationship – I have nothing to offer really…..
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I’m pretty sure you’re not the abuser. Even just thinking that proves you’re not, from what I’ve read anyway. My husband is also obsessed with COVID he got so angry, ranting on about other peoples behavior for hours and hours, that in itself is a form of abuse. My husband used to talk AT me for hours even though he knew I’d told my doctor how his constant talking caused me anxiety. Sound familiar? Just leave him alone.
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He doesn’t sound like a very kind person. Abusers often tell us that we’re the one with the problems. They learn new words and project their behaviour onto us.
If you find his opinions disturbing and offensive, and he then blames you for holding a different opinion, the problem lies with him.
The aim of abusive behaviour is power and control. Abusers use largely the same tactics. Shutting us up and metaphorically kneeling on our neck is one of those tactics. They have very thin skin and and will understand pretty much any form of communication as an insult.
My ex used talk At me as well. He was well into mansplaining.
It may help to look up the Cycle of Abuse. Please reach out in real life and keep posting here. You’re not alone.
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From what I’ve seen of these conspiracy theorists online it seems to be more about their egos than anything. It is not acceptable for him to call you a sheep just because you do not agree with his made up theories. Healthy people would not push their views and opinions onto someone else like that. Plus if you’ve asked him to stop sending them but he continued then he is not respecting your wishes.
I wouldn’t say you’re the abuser at all. Abusers don’t come on these websites and question their behaviour. My partner has labelled me a n********t before.. even though I’m pretty much the complete oppisite of one.
I’d really recommend reading Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. It explains abuse really well.
Can you change your number so that he can’t contact you anymore? If he continues to harass you, you can speak to the domestic abuse unit of your local police force xx
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