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I’m on a single mum’s group on Facebook which is brilliant but sometimes it’s dragging up questions for me. Someone posted about parent alienation.. generally I know I shouldn’t be bad mouthing my ex to my children and he does see them but only once a week for a few hours.
I’ve said it should be like this because he was never exactly a 50/50 dad. Hes been out of both their lives more than he’s been in… walked out on the US when our baby was a few weeks old.. and then didn’t see them for months while on nakl for assaulting me. I do really struggle when they see him as I’m still devastated we aren’t a family but i don’t stop it. I hope with everything I’ve got that he doesn’t push for much longer access because they are my whole world. He never seemed interested for long enough to want to be that hands on… But now I’m questioning myself, would he have been more hands on if I’d have let him -
No starmoon, I remember you exhausted with the childcare, housework etc and you would have loved for him to have been more hands on but he was too busy discarding you. It was a good excuse for him. He blamed you, then used this as an excuse to discard you then he was free to rest and relax at his mums while you had the responsibility of the care of the children, house etc. Abusers always like to do the least amount of the hard grind as possible even though they may give the appearance that they work.
You would have loved nothing more than the two of you to have been pulling together rearing the children, managing the house, cooking and shopping together. But he didn’t want any of that, so he would storm out and leave it all to you.
Not your fault.
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