Maybe it is me.

[seaglass]

So, he has just told me I am everything that I have said he is. My brain is so confused, maybe he is right, how on earth do I know, he said I shut him down, i talk to him terribly, I’ve made him feel like he is worthless, (detail removed by moderator) with my constant criticism and disrespect etc of him. I shut him out, he feels unloved and worthless I give hime no attention I don’t emotionally support him. It was disgusting I called the police on him, ( I didn’t actually call them and I did sit down weeks ago and try and explain how that all occurred but (detail removed by moderator) he asked me to repeat it all as he had forgotten). He also said maybe it was all to do with the menopause, I said (detail removed by moderator) sparked him to say that made it even worse – if I was being that awful and that I was doing a great job of backing him into a corner and he had nothing left. This all arose as he said I had to make some time and effort to have a conversation with him about our son. I said that was fine, and I would do my best but the way he interrogated me made it not feel like a discussion and I found that hard. That’s when he went off on one, and to be fair since this last (detail removed by moderator) or so I have been very remote from him, I’ve tried not to get into a discussion so have probably come across quite cold etc. I feel so awful.
I’m wondering whether to just admit it’s all me, say we need a break and get him to leave and I will find someone to talk to about the effect I am having on him. Maybe I am being deluded and it really is the menopause.
If I do that though will that mean I’m somehow putting myself in a weaker spot regarding our child?

Sent from my iPad

 

[Lotus20]

Hi seaglas,

Im exactly where you are, but I am protecting from the hurt I felt in the first place. Try to track back everything abd you will see how loving you have treated him and what he has done to you. That’s what I do, it’s very clear that I never hurt him and all those comments and aggressions and games was and is his and now I’m just protecting myself by keep an arms distance and of course that’s frustrating for him because he can’t get me back.
It’s not you. Be strong and look after yourself.

[PaleBlueStar]

Trust me lovely. It’s not the big M.

I went through this a few years ago now and clutched at it for a reason but it’s not the reason. The reason is that your relationship has run out of road.

Its the big A – abuse.

My husband would say that I am everything I would say he is. Abusive, a bully, controlling, unkind, unfair, cruel. That I want to destroy him etc

It’s hard to hear but I am more clued up now I have an IDVA checking in on me as currently in a high risk situation.

He’s clutching at straws. His power (like the white witch) is diminishing. It will soon be Christmas and then spring. Winter will be over.

I have seen the light and know that I do not want things to stay as they have been and that I have been frozen for a long time. I am taking my power back. Involving others. Safeguarding my children.

It’s hard as one of the things mine has done is bully and crush our son. So his sister is the favoured child detail removed by moderator).

I am in our room alone (removed by moderator).

If it’s good enough for his son it must surely be good enough for him 🙂

I wish he’d move out but he’s determined to stay. Wanted me to move us all out so he could stay alone (saying I’d left him) and potter and tinker in our half finished house thus delaying it going on the market and him having to get a job. He’s not really worked for nearly (removed by moderator) years.

ONWARDS!!!!!

[Author]

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