Maybe it really is me

[seaglass]

He is being all reasonable, wanting to discuss how we can make the relationship better. His behaviour is fine. I appear to be the terrible home breaker. I had opportunities when he was being being downright nasty or the day after he had been ( not physical) but I froze and couldn’t do it and now I feel trapped by my own lack of action.
I have supportive friends who know that I am not making it up, but yet still I sit in confusion and self doubt that maybe it really is me. Why oh why.

[Watersprite]

Hello sea glass
I feel for you the confusion and guilt they create with the good spells create cognitive dissonance but this is all part of abusers calculations. You wouldn’t stay if it was always good and they seem to pull it out of the bag whenever they see a glimpse of you finding your truth. It’s a scam.
Write down a list of what he’s done if it’s safe to do so
Speak to your friends
Remember how many bad times have followed good spells promises broken etc
Read up trauma bonding and gaslighting
He broke the home up when he CHOSE to be abusive
It’s ok to freeze it’s a response to trauma begin to trust your voice and one step at a time you will move forwards take support leaving is the hardest and most dangerous time. Take care x

[Onwardsupwards]

I left my man repeated, six months ago I kicked him and he was certain it could work and I really wanted us to work, even now I love him. But it didn’t last long; it’s over now forever.
You are not the home breaker he is! You are strong, you just have to remind yourself of that. Think about you and your future for just a moment and you will find the strength.b

I wish I’d followed my own advice, I know it’s easier said than done. Do you have support from anyone outside the home? Xx

[Author]

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