Me again

[Anonymous]

Feel like I have a split personality today and I’m genuinely sorry for writing another post but I need to vent this and this is the only place I can safely.

My husband:

*will give me anything that I ask for – but controls the money in the house. I get a small amount for myself each month. He pays all the bills (but I know some haven’t been being paid as we’ve had reminders and he’s said he will pay them when he gets paid – even though he has more then enough in the bank and wants to splurge it on something he doesn’t need). He has got into a very large amount of debt but won’t tell me how as its
‘None of my business’, won’t cut up his cards, won’t go to counselling for his spending habits and says me knowing what all the bills are etc is pointless as I’m out of work and can’t pay them.

*has major jealousy issues, I’ve ditched all of my male friends over the years and lots of the female ones as he didn’t like them (they were using me?!). He refuses to socialise with any of my friends and although he has never stopped me from having them over the atmosphere changes when they are over and he won’t talk to them except for to grunt hi. He then disappears to our room or for a bath. When they leave or when I go out and come back I get the silent treatment – or one word answers grunted at me. I normally have to coax him around by overplaying how happy I am to be home – bringing him nice snacks or something from the shop. I went out last week to join a club (weight related) and he didn’t speak to me when I came back except to offer me a biscuit, he turned away from me in bed without so much as a goodnight. He literally hates all of my friends and constantly mocks them, tells me what’s wrong with them. He would keep asking me how many people I had slept with when we first got together and I felt like s**m telling him even though there were only two before him. He says he’s not jealous now and won’t talk to anyone about it! He’s even admitted to being jealous of the stupid sex toys he made
Me buy and use!

*his mood swings are stupid, I never know what I’ve done wrong but he can be fine with me and then suddenly I’ve said something wrong and he goes all sullen and sulky. He can sulk for days over the stupidest thing and remembers every little indiscretion. I made the mistake (pure nerves at the quesrion) of going giggly over what I thought of a certain actor – now he’s an attractive man but he doesn’t really do it for me – but now I get joked about all the time about how much I fancy him. It’s meant to come across playful but I feel an undercurrent that makes me know it’s not a joke.

*he tell me how much he loves me, but will in another breath tell me I’m a cold hearted b***h, that I don’t love him etc etc. The sad fact is that despite everything I do love him and I wake up everyday hoping he’s in a good mood and we will have a nice day.

*sexually he won’t take no for an answer – he’s never forced me,
But certain acts I don’t feel comfortable with he would go on and on about until I have in. It was non stop, when I was positive I don’t like it he got grumpy but still goes
On about it and touches me during intimacy where I don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Sorry – thought I could hear him coming.

None of the name calling is ever said meanly – but as a joke, it’s just not funny! And it’s exhausting listening to it. When I challenge him I just get told he hasn’t picked on me in a while!

*he witholds affection, will refuse to kiss me or just blow in my face, if I displease him. If I get up from a hug because I have cramp I am rejecting him – even tho a fees hours before he wouldn’t kiss me.
Sex is all on his terms – only when he wants it – more so if he’s in a mood.

this is just a selection of things he does, but I still defend him and am still with him. I freeze when he jokes that I’ve had enough of being married to him – I don’t think in ready to face that reality yet but I know it’s coming. I hope I’m strong enough one day.

I just wanted to keep this all here so I can look back and remember all the things he has done to me.

Hugs xx

[Courage157]

You need to get out. This is similar to my situation. Emotionally and financially controlled by my husband. If I don’t do what he wants which is mainly to do everything with his controlling n**********c mother and family then I get the silent treatment or abusive arguments and all in front of my (detail removed by moderator) yr old son. I left the house (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago now as he locked the door and told me I couldn’t go see my mother on Mother’s Day. He tried to stop me from seeing my family over Xmas too. I have not officially left the home as all of our things are still there and for the past week I have ignored him. I called 101 the police after that incident and ever since have not been back home. I don’t think they have questioned him yet but I have recorded all arguments and have logs of what has happened to me. He was destroying my confidence mentally I was lost. He has also cut my money dramatically and it is not like he cannot afford it he is a top director. Men like this thrive on control and the moment we don’t conform then problems start. all I am worried about is my baby boy and his future.

[Author]

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