Me again

[True2myself]

Just posting my feelings.

Weekend from hell.
But yesterday more stubbornness from him and defensiveness and few other things. I end up in bed to get away and sobbed myself to sleep. He was in a foul mood….I slept a bit and was woken by a text from him saying…. (detail removed by moderator) 😫

I got up cos (detail removed by moderator) and he drove all happy and I was in a stunned silence. How can it flip like this and what does it mean. I was in a numb state thinking what is this.

Next day he’s back to hating me and now liking me again.

 

[smallbutbrave]

My partner does this. He will spend days being so angry, aggressive, swearing, shouting at me, I dread coming home from work to see what mood he is in. When he is in these moods I can’t eat or sleep. He tells me it is all over that he is leaving me- I then accept its over and start getting my s**t together then all of a sudden he will say something like ‘lets be friends again’ and thats it. He is mr nice guy again. He couldn’t be any nicer. Doing everything for me and helping out around the house. And I am like ‘W*F’

I guess its their way of controlling us isn’t it…Well I am ok now so should you.

I wish I could be stronger and say no – enough is enough and to be fair, I am getting very near to this.

Hope your ok xx

[True2myself]

Thank you your reply. Yes that’s exactly how it is. I’ve dealt with him for all this time but this weekend was relentless. Bad… Sorry… Bad.. Sorry… Bad… Sorry. Then all that happiness. I told him today I want a divorce. I know that wasn’t my best moment but I feel nothing now. I sleep downstairs on sofa and recently when I hear him get up my heart pounds wondering who I’ll get today. I have appointments with ppl who are helping me but sometimes I just need to talk until the appointments come round. Feeling a bit empty. I’m sorry you go thru this too. It’s a mind mess

[Anonymous]

SA2020 can totally relate to this. My abuser would go into a rage /rant about something or another then the next day he’ll suggest getting something nice to eat the next night, when that night came he’d start making rude comments that would end up in a temper tantrum from him, then he’d tell me it’s all my fault and I ruined the night. The next day he’d act as though nothing happened the night before. He would even have the cheek once or twice to ask me if I’m calmed down yet! It’s compete mind blowing stuff xx

[True2myself]

Yes that’s exactly how it is. I think it’s so bad is he poorly. Can’t get my head around it. I know he’s not poorly, i used to but not now. Defo mind blowing is a good description

[Anonymous]

At the time you know that this isn’t normal behaviour. I used to get that niggly feeling, but still couldn’t quite put my finger on it. And now I know exactly what the problem is. It’s just complete craziness how they’ll fly into a rage and then turn it around onto you. I know in the past if I’d confronted him about previous behaviour, he’d tell me he’s concerned for my mental welfare!!!! Very clever and manipulative hiw they play these games.

[True2myself]

Yes I was on a school run and he called Dr and got me a appointment and told them I have mental health issues. I nearly cancelled that when I found it but by this point I was on my knees and I went to that appointment and it was the best thing I ever did. I now have weekly support

[Wants To Help]

This is part of the C&C Behaviour that comes under the heading Alternate Punishment and Reward.

So they’ll have a go at you, upset you, then do something nice like suggest you go out for a meal and he’ll pay, then when you’re out for a meal he’ll do something nasty again, then when you get home he might be all nice again because he wants sex, then when you don’t he’ll go in a mood and be nasty, but in the morning he might bring you a coffee in bed and be all pleasant.

It’s the type of stuff that really messes with your head, yet you become grateful for the niceties after he’s been horrible.

[True2myself]

Thank you for confirming what this is. It’s a different type to what I’ve been thru. You summed it up perfectly. I’m keeping a log of everything and go to appointments and they are helping me fix my mind.

[Beautifulday]

Hi!
My Husband does exactly the same thing and always gas done which has completely messed me head up 🙁 says nasty things or does nasty things then silebt treatment. Then the next morning all nicey nice like nothing ever happened then I feel even worse because any arguments we have they go unresolved as he just expects me to forget and move on with no discussion. Its all part of the cycle of abuse and brainwashing, they hurt us then not for us to leave or see sense they act all nice reel us back in. You should be really proud of yourself that you’ve told him you want a divorce, i can’t bring myself to say it and don’t have the courage…yet!

[True2myself]

I think saying I want divorce and him agreeing are different. He told me no, never. He will make life very difficult that way.

Today he said… (detail removed by moderator)

Sometimes he says he understands and he tells official ppl what he’s doing and wants help. He tells them it so easily…I been abusing my wife… It’s naturally falling out his mouth. Like he’s telling a story.

I think telling him I want divorce I felt I had enough and it just tumbled out but he knows a reason that worries me so doesn’t believe me

 

 

[Scapegoat]

Hi SA2020 hope you’re ok, I have this too. One day all fine but then one tiny thing can trigger him, get a rant and tantrum which escalates. Then the silent treatment (current situation) which I know will be followed by an explosion then will get up and he’s all nice again. Can recognise this as a regular pattern. Leaves me completely confused, hurt, angry.Am constantly on guard now.
Know I have to go but cannot take the step to make it happen.
It’s a bit like playing a fruit machine…you lose lots but get the jackpot once in a while- that way you stay in the game.
Sending love & hugs 🤗 💕

[True2myself]

It seems that this is a popular way for men to be. I’m glad I posted now. I do get comfort that I’m not alone even though I wish you all didn’t go thru this. I love the fruit machine example.

(Detail removed by moderator) I’m very damaged and my mind thinks along these lines non stop. I can’t remember what is like to not think about his abuse.

 

[Author]

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