Mediation

[citrine]

I’ve just had a message from a mediator as my ex has been in touch with her.

My solicitor doesn’t believe mediation will work and if I have to be in the same room as him neither do I!

Also my children do not want to see their dad.

Does anyone have any experience of mediation?

X*x

[maddog]

I have been advised by my solicitor to try mediation. There are reasons despite the abuse. I don’t know how it will pan out. Last time my husband was behaving as Mr Perfect. In his view he is. He has told me several times that he wants to live alone. A while ago he was planning to move out and was looking for places to move. I have left the children wirh him. They are fed and get to school. They and the house are filthy. I hope SS will be helpful.

[EeyoreNoMore]

Mediation is a no no.

When you go through the court process the first step is mediation, however, even our antiquated court rules recognise that if there’s abuse involved mediation will NOT work.

His views and opinions are likely to be agreed with. Do not expose yourselves like this.

[KIP.]

Please do not attempt mediation. Any contact with these abusers is toxic. Stand your ground and refuse due to the effect on your mental health. He won’t admit to his abuse, I can just imagine my ex making me out to be crazy. He always refused to go to councelling, now I know why. He didn’t want his abuse exposed.

[citrine]

Thank you ladies for all your words of encouragement. I’ll stand my ground and say no to mediation.

I just want this all to end it’s so exhausting.

X*x

[cupofcoffee]

Hi, just wanted to say I agreed to mediation to keep my ex happy and it was awful, the mediator was on his side even though they are supposed to be impartial and I felt bullied in the meeting as my ex wanted me to pay him a large amount of money. In the end I refused to have any more meetings, felt they were a complete waste of time and money, I had to pay £45 as I had refused anymore meetings but it meant that my solicitor then could agree a fairer settlement figure for the divorce. You have the right to walk out if you feel uncomfortable also.

[maddog]

I have cancelled this week’s appointment as there my husband has been telling me things he has said to me are not true. I asked him this morning if it was still true that he wanted to live alone. Of course he can change his mind. He flatly denied that he had said any such thing. He did say it, and I wrote it down and that I agreed with him that he would be better off alone. Also nothing yet from SS and need to speak to my solicitor.

[teatime]

I hoped mediation over our joint assets would save money. In fact I should have gone to a solicitor, because the mediators did not understand and I was totally misadvised.
It was a terrible hideous experience, him hissing obscenities at me every moment he could and he ended up with far too much as well, he was vile.
My solicitor would have been better, she was lovely and kind.
Do not go to mediation if you can possibly avoid it. It was rubbish.
I was very gung ho back then. I now know NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT!

[Ayanna]

I had a mediator harass me and threaten me. She also said I had to pay for the mediation.
I got rid of her by cursing and swearing at her one day when she rang.

I refused mediation from the start and did not need it for the divorce.

[White Rose]

Mine insisted on mediation. After a lot of thought and doubts I agreed. I went for my session alone (solicitor insisted it should only be shuttle mediation – I think that was the term) mediator listened. My ex refused to engage. I ended up paying!
Same happened with Relate. He used it as sn excise to abuse me again but I did go back alone and had some excellent sessions from a counsellor who also did DV support.
I would say stay well away from it if there care options. You maybe advised to start process by court but only to prove it fails! Stupid system!
Take care keep strong xx

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