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I remember how stupid I was. That is what abuse does to us. My brain was fried, I was not thinking straight, I was deluded.
We came back from a long holiday that I had paid. He treated me badly during that holiday although he enjoyed the time abroad very much. Soon after returning he beat the hell out of me and I escaped from the marital home just with a thin dress on my body, no underwear, only flip flops, the door keys and my phone. It was night time and I walked aimlessly in the city. I had walked a long distance without even realising. When the worst upset had calmed down I realised where I was and had to walk all the way back. It was cold. When I came home he was already asleep. I went to bed and slept. The next morning I tried to make it up with him.
Why did I not call the police and end it then? It took me two more years after this incident to end this nightmare. I have never counted how often he had abused me in those two years.
I am angry with myself that I had allowed this worthless subhuman treat me like this. -
And one of the things that stands out in your post, Ayanna: the fact that he could sleep like a baby, after doing that to you and not knowing how you were or where.
My ex could sleep like a baby after being disgusting to me.
In fact, it seemed to me that he started arguments at bedtime: it was like he couldn’t sleep soundly until he had confirmation that he had power over me, by upsetting me and having me beg him to be nice.
I can’t believe I gave up nearly two decades for a man who was awful to me from year dot.
I think we have changed though, Ayanna. We’ve grown stronger, haven’t we? X
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Yes, Serenity. I did never think of that! He went to bed and slept while I was running around in the city completely disturbed about what he had done to me, with the feeling that I had just escaped from my head being banged to mush.
He knew exactly what he was doing. These useless judges in the courts who protected him! I want to know their names!
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That is sad that happened to you Ayanna. Red flags are easy to overlook. I think red flags are so common, most of us women have had them and ignore them, or we have rose tinted specs on and just don’t see it. We are being gas lighted and manipulated. I had massive doubts about my ex really early on, i suspected he was a liar and just after my money, not that I have much. I am really ashamed to say at the time I was reading a dating book and it had a whole chapter on the type of men to avoid, he fitted the descriptions perfectly and I ignored it. http://listverse.com/2007/08/28/top-10-famous-con-men/
Also the begging and pleading that you did after he treated you badly, I did that, i think a lot of women here did that. When we are with them i think we are so ground down and not acting normally or rationally, i was so full of fear i would have done anything for him not to leave me, probably got down on my hands and knees and begged. I knew and know now how wrong that was, but when you are in the thick of it all you see is your bare soul exposed and you have to protect it at any cost. Once I was so mentally disturbed because of how he treated me I vowed to never ever let that happen again and i eventually finished with him (two years later). We turn into different women when we’re with these men, we’re not ourselves. X*X
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This was more than read flags. I was already in a fully abusive marriage when that happened. I could not think anymore because of what he had done to me. I rang Women’s Aid after that episode. I forgot to delete their number on the landline. He checked the phone and saw their number and rang to find out who it was. Then he tortured me for calling WA.
I did not call them for over 2 years after that. This is how much fear he has put into my head.
I even told a GP at that time how I suffered. But they accused me and treated me as if I was an imbecile for living like this. They scared me so much that I never said anything again to them and later he forced me to change the GP. I had to go to the same GP where he went. -
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