26th April 2016 at 12:40 pm #15345AnonymousInactive
I just had the bizarrest visit from adult safeguarding and when we were talking she said that she questioned my mental capacity but then i had saved myself because I had showed some insight, what does it mean? and what can they do. I followed my friends advice to say that I will kick him out if he gets too much then they mentioned that and they have never said anything like that to me before.
26th April 2016 at 4:15 pm #15386AyannaParticipant
I can only say that this sounds unsettling. They may think that you are not able to make decisions on your own. If they do think that, they could try to declare you mentally incapable, or however that is called, and make decisions on your behalf, without you being able to influence that. What is going on at your end? Why did they visit you?
26th April 2016 at 4:19 pm #15389SerenityParticipant
I think they may have been referring to your ability to make decisions- and the right decision.
All kinds of things can stop people from being able to make the right decision in Safeguarding’s eyes- learning disability, trauma, a mental health problem, illness, etc.
What she probably meant was that you showed some understanding of the risks posed to you and the consequences of putting up with abuse, and an understanding of the best thing to do and the various options open to you if the abuse continued – that is, that you are able to get rid if him if the abuse worsens. x
26th April 2016 at 6:16 pm #15410
What an utter cheek to turn the abusive situation round onto you, they would not even be involved with you if if wern’t for the abuse.
You don’t think your abuser has said anything to them do you, trying to site you as mentally ill as many abusers do.
Was it a planned visit or did she just turn up and for what reason , had you contacted her.
Saying you had saved yourself is a very strange thing to say ,did you ask from what, if she didnt expalin herself I would contct her and ask exactly what she meant it sounds a bit of a threat to me
26th April 2016 at 7:40 pm #15425AnonymousInactive
Hi a referral went in by a professional that was dealing with him about the level of risk he posed to us. I thought they had closed it but it went to investigation. When they came today it seemed to be about whether i recognised the risks, which of course I do. Everytime they get involved he gets worse and last time frightened me no end and as that has not had the conclusion I had hoped its still there in my mind not to upset him. It is not just him anymore he is mixing with some not very nice people and with that comes even more risks. I think as long as I recognise those risks they are happy. I did what my friend suggested too and that was to be more agreeable with them and say I would kick him out if I needed him to go. Although I did add that there is no way I could see it ending there
I do question myself because I have this massive tendency to make things worse. I talk too much and even today the meeting went well I feel bad about him because hes come in and is in a lovely mood and i have been saying not very nice things. He is always on about me talking too much and points out everytime they get involved its because my mouth runs away with me. She asked if I wanted it to close I told her yes. They know they cant do anything and by her own admission there is nothing they can do so why waste their time keep coming out to me? It feels a bit pointless to me because there is people out there they really can help. I am hoping this is the end of it and that the mental capacity thing wont raise its head again, it doesn’t apply to me and I don’t even see how they could stick that label on me. Sorry if I waffled on x
26th April 2016 at 10:44 pm #15459
Im sure you don’t make things worse. He just tells you that you that you talk too much and yo have taken that on board.
I understand you feeling bad about saying not nice things then he comes in , in a good mood, but that mood will not last, you have spoken the truth about what he does, and it it isnt nice and you are right to speak about it.
I have felt a bit like that the past few days as mine has been nicer but I know it will not last and I have to keep that in my mind and not be sucked in by him, back into the cycle ,I have lost my weekly support worker going to a new one but fortnightly and it is affecting me.
The mental capacity is rubbish, they are not seeing it all as it is.
It isn’t wasting time coming out to you, you are being abused, you do need support, they just tick boxes and if you dont fit because you have a disability they are happy to walk away and close the case it suits them.Its the easy way out for them
They have just tried to pin something on you to make it look as thougth they are doing something.
For us with disabilites especially ones that cannot be seen, we are neglected and there is no real help out there for us, they need to tick boxes and close cases, its a waste of money and time, when they make no provision for us.
Do take care if he is now mixing with bad poeple x
27th April 2016 at 12:40 am #15470AnonymousInactive
Hi Godschild, In fairness to them it did not come across in a bad way, more this is something that she had to consider and my behaviour in the past has been to protect him. Which is what my friend said I should not do this time. Although I really do feel bad about it. Like you its a bit of a love hate thing, when he is nice it makes things so much nicer at home when he is horrible I really dislike him.
You are right about us being forgotten our inability to do certain things which in my case is going out means we dont particularly hit any criteria. The services that might stand a chance of helping are dealing with more serious cases which means we are resigned to the ranks of mass cbt and telephone counselling. Which if you are anything like me you have done till it comes out your ears and it has made absolutely no difference. Only those that have very severe disabilities now come under mental health.
The social worker had no choice but to close my case because they can do nothing and I said to her I dont mean to sound harsh but that is the reality and she shrugged and agreed. She did go as far as to suggest I might start going out to the cashpoint once a fortnight and I had to smile because short of being medicated to an extreme degree that is not going to happen but she almost made it sound like its a choice that I stay in. I have to help myself, I agreed but its not quite as simple as that. I went from being relieved that she had gone to feeling like I am stuck on this merry go round that is not going to stop! I hope things are a little better with you ? x
27th April 2016 at 9:41 am #15497
It really gets to me when they see it as a choice to stay in and suggest you do things that you cannot in anyway do, its like they just trample over your disabilities because they cannot see them, they don’t even seem to listen or take it on board.
things have not been too bad the past few days, but his comments yesterday that my disabilities have caused his “anger ” has really got to me.x
27th April 2016 at 12:52 pm #15511AnonymousInactive
i think it was meant to gee me up into action, unfortunately it had the opposite effect and I just thought I am never going to get my life back. I couldnt go back to the work I used to do because of my CRB and because the kids were under safeguarding a few years back cos of him and I keep going under them too. Plus like you say its not as easy as walking out the door.
Your disabilities have not caused his anger, he has caused that. He makes a choice to be the way he is with you. Your disability may make it a little easier for him to do that because you are more isolated than everyone else and no one can really see what you have to put up with x
5th February 2018 at 11:47 pm #54251LaughinggirlParticipant
Insight is about understanding your own disability and demonstrating this to them. I found them tough to deal with. My depression slid before I left my ex what situation are yiu in are you safe
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