Mentally drained

[brokendreams]

Am finally home, and feel so upset, my head is banging, and injuries hurt badly.

But I have given my video statement, and now have a DVPO against my ex, as for his friends am awaiting the police, but I can’t lie, I feel so exhausted mentally and physically and more,
Just want to sit and cry, and have someone to hold me, stupid I know, but been told I have twenty eight days, and am hopefully seeing someone from idas next week.

Thank you ladies for your support and hope your all doing well ❤ x*x

[KIP.]

Hi brokendreams

Glad you’re home. It’s ok to cry. Sometimes it’s good to let go. Get under the duvet and take time to heal. It will take time but you will get there in the end. If your ex or any of his friends try to contact you, ring the police. Don’t forget there are helplines available. From rape crisis to women’s aid and the samaratains and victim support. You’re not alone x

[brokendreams]

Thanks kip xx
I know about the help lines, and my locks have been changed again,
I have cried so much my head hurts, plus he used to tell me crying was a sign of weakness, and sometimes hard to shake that mentally, but I doubt his friends will try, as police are looking for them for multiple gang rape and assaults xxxx

[godschild]

Hi brokendreams, I cannot beleive that you have been attacked again, was this your bf or his friends, you cry it all out, it will do you good.
Dont even think about lying these men must be brought to justice after what they have done to you everyone of them.
Its normal to want someoneto hold you when you feel like this I have felt I wanted to be held so many times when distressed but your bf is not the one to hold you, you have been so so strong and you will get a new life after this is over, I wondered if you have a Salvation Army in your area,they do help with Dv and other things they are very kind, look them up, you couldtalk to them and they wouls be supportive take care. sending you a hug xxxxx

[brokendreams]

Thank you godchild hugs back xxxx

Was his friends who raped me multiple times, and my body couldn’t take it, but they didn’t stop, they then beat me, but reason why was they claimed was what my ex asked them, as a warning to not report him, that’s why was at A&E for so long, as they needed to deal with injuries, but not lose any evidence, but I know the pain will eventually get easier, but awaiting to go to GUM next week, but said I’d been through enough in last twenty four hours, so I need to rest my body.
I may want a hug, but not from my ex! I can actually say EX now, because if what they said was true, he deserves punishment,

He actually asked me to marry him! , he’s mentally unstable.

I know I will weaken, as been told shock is my anger and fear at the moment.
The pain is so bad, and I feel broken, just hope police catch them, especially after today with statement. xxxxx

[Ayanna]

Oh hun, do you have pain killers?
Can you make a warm bath to relax?
No wonder you are drained. You are through hell and back.
Wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a soft pillow. I was told to do this when I escaped. It helped a little bit.

Sending you hugs! x*x

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Sending u massive hug out, what a evil man and his friends, gosh girl u keep away from this man and his friends and get a non mol out against all them. Crying is not a sign of weakness, thats just some c**p they feed us, u have a good snuggle up in your bed and cry if u need to, to recover we have to release that emotion . Hope some one can stay with u , post as much as u need to , they are in the wrong for what they said and did, i know its hard to ignore that voice that comes in our head that makes us beleive them , but thats cause we dont speak out enough, welldone for sharing with us ladies and beleive me we will all confirm its them that are weak, do not beleive there lies about u being the weak one.

[brokendreams]

Thanks anyanna x*x
Yes have got strong pain killers as said will help me sleep too, but can’t have a bath due to injuries as some are burns, so got to leave them dry, feel like a mummy all wrapped up at the moment, had a little sleep earlier, but must have rolled into my arm as it’s fractured, and screamed myself awake,
But luckily it’s been quiet, no visitors, which is a relief, but scary too,
But I will try the pillow, thank you x*x, just anything else touching my body hurts x*x

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Broken. my offer still stands about helping you find a refuge. X*X

[Ayanna]

Oh no! Is you arm in plaster cast? You should be in hospital, not at home alone in such a condition!
Can you ring Victim Support tomorrow and tell them to help you? Someone from the community could help you at home until you feel better! You need help with shopping and self care!

I also know that the police can arrange this. I have done this for my neighbour. The police called SS and they arranged someone to come around and help with daily cares.

[brokendreams]

Thank you confused123 x*x

Unfortunately I have nobody in my life, the most difficult thing for me to cope with, and also come to terms with, is he made me loose my sight, and it isn’t going to return, everything will eventually heal, but I will have scars, and I will always be reminded of what he’s done,
Am sharing all this, as if wasn’t for the support from you wonderful ladies, I would still be silent and with him, accepting this is my fault, and my life, I deserve it,
But really it is a massive thanks to you all, and maybe a woman, will read it, and I was petrified of contacting anyone, will see you can escape.
I admit its terrifying right now, I probably will shake and stumble, and am even more afraid as he will have received the DVPO , and I know he’ll be really angry or beg, so I do know this is going to be difficult, but I really fear for my life, especially after the recent assault, if his friends did this much to me, what’s he capable of?, my phone doesn’t leave my side, but still think it’s wrong they won’t put a panic alarm in, as they don’t have the funds.

PS sorry spelling wrong ayanna x*x

[brokendreams]

Yes I probably should be in hospital, but with them wanting to do statement so they can catch them, I agreed as wanted them caught, but I do have district nurse going to attend daily, and I’m stubborn, he always told me that, but have managed today and this evening alone, I guess its just going to be ready painful for a while,
And thank you healthyarchive x*x

[KIP.]

Brokendreams, there are charities that may fund your personal alarm. I think victim support may help you there x I think you’ve shown your abusers that you won’t tolerate them anymore. You stood up to the cowardly abusers. See how they’re not so brave when dealing with the police. Well done x

[godschild]

Feel so sad for you , these are new injuries and more rape form last night then, these men are utter thugs, you need support to get thro this awful time, is there anywhere you can go to be looked after for a while, like a respite place SS may be able to help wit that, cant bear to think of you being alone, takecare xxxxxxx

[Ayanna]

Please accept the district nurse to come and see you. I am relieved that this was arranged for you. You need someone come round daily and check how you are doing.
It is important that the burns are checked daily because of possible scarring. You need help with dressing changes so that they can heal appropriately.

Regarding the panic alarm you should ring Victim Support. They can put pressure on the council to install this.

Tomorrow, try to make a few phone calls: Victim Support for panic alarm, NCDV for non molestation order.
Think about HA’s offer to get you into a refuge.

I hope you can sleep.
You are doing so well! x*x

[brokendreams]

Thank you ladies hugs x*x

Yes that’s why district nurse coming daily, as dressings and area’s I can’t reach or do,
Police have referred me to victim support and awaiting a call, but luckily pain relief due soon and they work well, my burn from my ex still hasn’t healed and was told that it will scare as its deep,
And I have a DVPO against him, so he hasn’t contacted me, probably knows he will be arrested, and am hoping they find and arrest his friends, I’m not sure how long this anger will last, as that’s pushing me forward, but white it’s here I will do upmost to get justice, just hope isn’t like last time x*x

[lover of no contact]

brokendreams,

I can’t believe his friends gang-raped you and beat you up and burnt you with cigarettes again last night. I just know you shouldn’t be alone dealing with this. You have had so much trauma in just under a month.

At least the district nurse is coming around tomorrow to do your dressings. Tell her all. Ask her to organize home help also for you, someone to come do your shopping and cleaning. Tell her you fear for your life from him and could she organize a personal alarm. This is too much for you to be sorting out. Ask her to help you. You’ve been through so much. Some of these professionals have a duty of care.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you manage to get some rest tonight. We are all thinking of you and praying for you.

Please let us know how you are tomorrow x*x .

[brokendreams]

Right now am blocking out what they did, because if I think, I cry, which brings the pain more severe, victim support last time gave me door and window alarms, but now with neighbour ignoring me, not much use, but police wanted to install a panic alarm, that goes directly to the police, but say they haven’t funds,
I know that the pain relief makes me sleepy, so I should get some sleep,
Been told am still in shock, but am not a doctor, just know if I don’t think, I can’t break down, because I know if I do I will weaken, and doubt everything,
I know last night, as it was happening, my body couldn’t take it, and no matter how much I pleaded them to stop, made them do the thing more, and multiple times with each five of them, so I did what I used to do, and disassociate myself from the pain, thanks again for your help, and ayanna the pillow is working good, am feeling comforted, thank you xxxx

[brokendreams]

Morning ladies,

Am in hospital, won’t go into any details, but finally had a little sleep, but woke up, and was bleeding badly, and because where it was coming from I had a panic and had to call a ambulance, which wasn’t pleasant, ambulance workers were very abrupt with me,
They’ve found out where bleeding coming from, which was humiliating, but awaiting to go to theatre, as they’ve found a tear, and can’t treat it without hurting more,
But said its only local, so won’t take long, but they don’t know how bad it is until done,
x*x

[lover of no contact]

brokendreams,

Yes as you say if you think too much about ‘the rape and beating attack’ at the moment you won’t be able to keep it together. But its good you can tell what happened to us. There will be time later (with Rape crisis counsellor or Women’s Aid worker) to deal with the horrific rape and beating/cigarette burning these (detail removed by moderator) criminals inflicted on you  (detail removed by moderator)nights ago.

Hope you managed to get some sleep and the pain relief will help. When the district nurse comes today. Tell her everything (detail removed by moderator), that they wouldn’t stop even though you pleaded, that they raped you so many times, that they burnt you with cigarettes and then they beat you up). Tell her you are completely alone dealing with this and you need support. Tell her its too much for you to deal with on your own. Tell her she needs to tell her boss to get people to help you.

Tell her you have a DVPO but this is only a piece of paper and you need a panic alarm connected to the police station. Tell her this is the second time you have been gang-raped by this group of thugs.

So so well done brokendreams for making the video statement and speaking out to the Police. Its so hard to do. I was terrified when I had to get my Protection Order against my ex-husband too. We are so used to keeping quiet, putting up with it and not speaking out.

Your job is to tell all the professionals the truth of what happened, to let them know and then they have a duty of care to help you and support you at this difficult time.

You have undergone severe assaults and violence in 3 weeks, extremely vulnerable (no family/friend support) and you should be top priority on all their lists of care.

Keep using your voice to speak out the truth of what your attackers did to you. Abusers thrive on our silence. But I do know how hard it is to speak out.

[Ayanna]

How are you? Did they fix your bleeding?
Can you not stay in hospital for a few more days?
You need someone to look after you properly.
Well done for calling the ambulance even if they were not good. You can keep this in mind and complain at a later date when you feel better. x*x

[brokendreams]

Am all stitched up, but I need to stay in overnight, hope you ladies are well xxxx

[brokendreams]

Can’t believe this but ex tried to visit me ( how did he know I was in hospital?),
Lucky the nurse’s stopped him, but I saw him and literally had a accident, he was shouting at me saying he never told his friends to do that, will make them pay, and he’s so sorry would I marry him, he was crying so much, nurse’s didn’t know what to do, but security came and escorted him out, why when I see him do I feel sorry for him, and now cleaned up in bed, thinking of him, I mean maybe he didn’t send them? What if he’s really committed to me?, so confused again! x*x

[lover of no contact]

brokendreams,

Glad you are safe in hospital but if your ex tried to make contact with you by coming into the hospital you will not be safe to go home. Words and declarations of love are easy to utter, look to his actions. Do his actions convey a man who loves you? He has used his fists to blind you. He has raped you. The first gang-rape by his friends he raped you first, was he there stopping them? He fractured your skull using his fists. Love is not abuse. He flew into rages and beat you when England lost the Euros. Would he make good husband material.

My abuser ex-husband was a very good actor too. He was able to sob and I could see if was an ‘act’ but my daughter believed him. He is very convincing.

Abusers lie so easily. Of course he’ll say he didn’t make his friend’s go around and rape you and pretend he cares about you. But its all lies and pretence. He wants you back under his control. He doesn’t want to lose his punchbag and slave (remember you having to clean for him all day with the injuries fresh from his previous night beating). Love is not beating your loved one up.

You feel confused and doubting yourself because that’s what he wants you to feel. All mixed messages, that’s why you feel mixed-up.

You need to tell the police he came into the hospital. He wants to instil fear in you that’s why he was shouting. He wants you to keep quiet.

You can’t go home brokendreams, ask them to organize a refuge for you.

[brokendreams]

The hospital have contacted the police, as hospital know my problem, when I was home he didn’t contact me, but as soon as in hospital he does, still unsure how he knew I was in hospital,but been told because he hasn’t touched me, and I’m in hospital they won’t arrest him, I did explain I have a DVPO, but they declined, but even hospital staff seem angry at me, but probably my paranoia, I can’t get back with him , but am confused maybe he has changed x*x

[godschild]

How are you today, how on earth could he know that you were in hospital, would anyone have seen you go in the ambulance and told him,he was trying to contact you and the hospital should have acted on the DVPO, they all keep letting you down.
You should make a complaint re he ambulance staff when you feel a bit better, they are paid ot be kind, understanding nd not abrupt, you are a genuine case that has been put thro hell, if you call your local ambulance Dept, they will take details of the way you were treated, I had to make a complaint last year and they were very helpulto me.
He wont have changed at all, all he wants is to draw you back so he can damage you even more its so so hard for you being alone but dont be drawn back to him, he and his friends are very dangerous men, the fatc that he was shouting at the hopital and had to be taken by secuirty shows how angry he still is , imagine if you had not had the protection of the hopsital, I would tell the police about this incident as well . Been thinking about you so much, you are survivng so so much, you are doing so well, take care and hugs to you, we are all here for you xxxxx

[Ayanna]

Where is the adult safeguarding rep at your hospital? They have a duty to report this to the police.
Brokendreams, when you are better after a while, you have a lot of complaints to file.

Stay strong and do not listen to the abuser.
Can you stay at least over the weekend in the hospital?
x*x

[Tuppance]

Dear Broken Dreams
I just wanted to send you my support. I am so very shocked at what you have had to endure – I cannot believe anyone could be treated like that. Please stay strong and look after yourself. X

[StrengthfromAbove]

Hi Brokedreams, just wanted to give you virtual hug Hun. Just properly read your post and can’t believe what you’ve gone through so much through the hands of your soon to b ex and he’s horrible friends. Know that you’ll get through this n you’ll triumph at the end. Have a speedy recovery n know that you’re not alone. The ladies here love n care for you x*x

[Author]

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