6th May 2016 at 7:29 pm #16521SerenityParticipant
It is written in the contact order that my ex will pick the kids up from the next road and only contact my mum- not me- due to his abuse.
He’s long ignored the dictate to not come on my road, parking a few doors up, and more recently parking outside the house next door. I logged it with the police, but am loath to take it back to court until he says or does something bad enough for them to believe me, as I am scared of being accused of parental alienation. I believe he wants me to take it back to court, where he will play out his best Oscar-winning performance and I will look bad.
Yesterday, I returned from work to find him parked right across my driveway ( he was picking up my son). I didn’t look at him at all, and tried to have a blank expression, but saw him staring and waving at me out of the corner of my eye.
He moved his car. He also talked my eldest into going too, though my eldest rarely has contact and falls out with him all the time. I don’t know how he managed to make him go: maybe the promise of watching football at the pub, and the fact that last week he gave my son birthday money, so my son felt beholden?
Anyway, I don’t believe he would have moved his car if my son hadn’t been there. He wants to look reasonable in front of the kids as far as I am concerned, yet send me threatening emails via my mum.
It was surreal. I didn’t react, even to my son, and they all went off.
He was acting as if what he was doing was completely normal. That him being a ross my drive was normal, that waving at me was normal, that I should be friendly…almost making you doubt that there is a reason to be No Contact. You start to doubt your own perception.
But then I remember that- however jovial he is pretending to be, and however entitled to be there he feels he is, the truth is that he was bullying me into paying off joint debts this week. It my mum, though he isn’t meant to contact her except about my youngest- which he doesn’t do!
And I keep on having to remind myself that this is the man who threatened me because I wanted to use a solicitor, who told my eldest that he wanted him dead, who hid money from me and took my earnings, who was cruel even on my wedding day, who spoke in cryptic language and engaged in dreadful mental and emotional and even sexual and some physical abuse. Who had been outed to me by a number of people as a crook and someone who would take someone’s living away from them.
When an abuser acts so ‘innocent’ and like they’ve done nothing wrong, you question your in sanity. And yet I know in a few weeks’ time my eldest will be upset again because of something his dad does- as there is seems to be an abusive cycle occurring there, monthly in fact.
It is so, so surreal and makes you feel crazy. Please, tell me I not mad and didn’t imagine it all!
6th May 2016 at 7:57 pm #16526Escaped not freeParticipant
Serenity, I can say for sure you are not mad, you didn’t imagine it because why would you put yourself through all of this otherwise. I can only say this to you because I’m detached from your situation. I personally also feel like I’m going crazy. He makes out to everyone what a head case I am and is still doing things he shouldn’t, like your ex to try and get a reaction and yet all I want is the life I thought we were going to have. You are not crazy, his behaviour is crazy making. But I totally understand how you are feeling. Sending you a hug. X*x
6th May 2016 at 8:42 pm #16533godschildParticipant
Sorry he is behaving like this, they can be so awwkard and try to wind you up, well done for not reacting or looking at him but no doubt he will try even harder to get to you now, knowing how their minds work.
To how their mind works he thinks he was acting normal as they dont see reality and live in denial as though they have done nothing wrong.
As Patricia Evans days in her book they live in reality two a false reality and we live in reality one the real world, just wait for him to do worse as if you keep ignoring him, he no doubt wil to try to get your attention xx
6th May 2016 at 9:01 pm #16538HealthyarchiveBlocked
Dear Serenity, i can’t help thinking that he is parking and waving deliberately as he knows you hate it and he loves upsetting you, he gets pleasure from it. I would report it to the police though as he shouldn’t even be parking in your road and only communicating with your mum. I’m wondering if he gets away with this, he might push further with other things, lapses? I wouldn’t mind betting that there is some discord in his private life and he’s getting rid of his stress, which is only very temporarily, by intimidating you. I think he is at odds inside and not happy. If he were happy he would have no reason to be an a*s! Will you report his change of behavior to the police? It would be nice if he would find a girlfriend so he would then leave you alone. X
6th May 2016 at 10:23 pm #16553Confused123Participant
Its all to wind u up, u r doing so well to ignore him,all this parking up close by, waving, they really are pathethic, keep logging it all to police and try get a harrassament order issued, do u remeber how my ex used to leave
never ending abusive messages fro me, i just logged and logged, until police got fed up and warn him, till they get warnign from police they dont stop, u might not even have to go to court, u just want a harrasement order issue which will end up costing him, its not about u aleinating him,
its a court order and he is breaking, if he doesnt care, fine u just keep reporting, state his been abusive via your mum, the message will get there eventually u in and log in, i know its frustrating but u want end ressult to be harrassment order issued,
6th May 2016 at 11:42 pm #16576AyannaParticipant
What if you try parental alienation very subtly but steadily?
I know, that is a nasty suggestion, but we all need to survive as best as we can.
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