Missing zero contact

[Nomorenonsense]

Hi all,

Having a hard time of it this weekend after having broken zero contact with ex for the benefit of child contact. It’s sent me back really badly, I was filled with dread in the days leading up to him seeing the kids, worrying whether he’d turn up/if he’d cause a scene/upset me or the children. Contact was today and was a struggle, he behaved perfectly-model father mode which broke my heart remembering the good times and happy memories. I cried for an hour after pick up and an hour after bedtime too.
I know it’ll get easier in time but I crave zero contact bubble where I could just deny to myself that he existed. Are there independent agencies that deal with handovers that I can look at? Dreading next visit already.

[KIP.]

Please ring the helpline number on here or get in touch with your local women’s aid. You are right to want to stay zero contact. These men are toxic. Do you have a friend or family or even neighbour who could do handover? I think you should start as you mean to go on. Please also tell your GP about your fears and also tell her how contact brings huge anxieties and badly affects your mental health. Also, how you are still physically scared of him. This is just in case you need to evidence your feelings should it ever go to court. She may also be able to suggest some relaxation techniques or counselling. For me, zero contact was the most important part of healing. You can use a contact book that goes back and forth with the children. Depending how old they are etc for the moment if he has a car then he stays in it and the kids leave the house and go to his car. You need not have contact.

[KIP.]

Expect him to object. No contact is the most painful thing for a n********t.

[Iwon]

Don t put yourself through seeing him. I cut all contact. Used a contact book and avoided hi. Like the plague because his only aim in any interaction was to upset me scare me or put me down. That’s what little bullies do.

If you are the resident parent you choose on access. You take control. You document and record his abuse on your phone.

You will see the super dad act sometimes but it is all fake. I think it’s like leaving a cult leaving an abuser. You have been brainwashed and you need to cut off the person who brainwashed you. Good luck x

[Nomorenonsense]

Thankyou for your replies. I’m only just tonight pulling myself out of a depression that has lasted since (removed by moderator) Contact. Two days of doing bare minimum and feeling like utter c**p. Alongside the week of anxiety,fear and tearfulness leading up to seeing him.

You’re right about keeping up zero contact. I will speak to my neighbour about being there for handovers. It’s a big ask of someone though isn’t it? And I also worry about him turning them against me or telling lies about me during handover.

Good advice re gp, it pays to have things documented certainly. I’ll book in tomorrow. Good to be talking about it again with people that truly understand! Thanks again x

[Author]

Posts