Mistake with Minimal Contact

[backtome]

I’ve been keeping contact between me and him to just text and only responding when it’s directly about contact with our little girl or about his things. I’ve been doing really well at that.

I have made the mistake of letting my little girl video call him as she did really well at school and got a prize and wanted to show him. He did spend some time talking to her and praising her but then kept asking me to turn the phone towards me so he could see me (I refused). He also asked me if there was anyone else on the scene (there isn’t but none of his business) to which I just said no and then asked if he were to get tickets to a show for our daughter and me and him would we go. I didn’t know what to say so just said let me know the details.

So I now have to stop that type of contact between him and my little girl unless it’s done by someone else as I don’t want him trying to use her as a way to speak to me.

No real point to this post, just letting my thoughts out. x*x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi backtome,

Yes it sounds like he is using it as a way to manipulate you, very typical abuser behaviour. He’ll be all lovely and charming, so classic him offering to treat you all to a show, and then before you know it you’re reeled back in. Well done for spotting it. Like you said, if your child is going to video call him, let it be when you’re not there through a third party. Use the grey rock method of extremely low contact, 100% definitely do not go to the show even if he has already bought the tickets and tries to guilt trip you. The only contact should be through third parties arranging for him to see the child so that he can’t use the child as an excuse to continue to abuse you.

[KIP.]

There is a very good point to your post. Lots of other women in a similar position read it and it either validates their no contact rule or it shows them exactly how contact brings manipulation, confusion, emotion and takes you back a step. It shows just how far you have come and it’s an achievement to not only recognise this but have the strength to act upon it. No doubt he will use this against you. Saying well she allowed contact so I can’t be that bad. Just watch out for giving him any ammunition because believe me he will load it up use it against you in the most unexpected despicable way.

[backtome]

Thanks both of you.

SunshineRainflower I’ve just looked up the Grey Rock method and it sounds exactly like what I need to do. He is hanging onto to every single tiny communication and even now, even though the social worker has told him otherwise, he thinks there is still a chance he will come back one day.

I’m just going to keep to text only from now on as I was doing before and not respond to anything at all unless its directly about contact. At least I can say I tried for my little girl but that’s it. I need to stay strong on this. x

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