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I’m having a nightmare at the mo. Long story short…… It’s my house, I own it but because we married and had a child somehow everything becomes a marital asset and debt, meaning what’s mine is his and vice versa. He wouldn’t pay child support for 2yrs 9 months. He’d agreed to pay when it was needed. He didn’t. I tried to arrange payment with him but he refused so I went to the CMS. Now he’s demanding thousands from my home. I don’t think it will stand up in court but I also found out on Friday he’s lied to me about money since 2001.
He thinks I have no brain. I’m doing lots of investigations and finding unbelievable things out but I have to actually prove it which is difficult.
Why does he want to destroy me and my son? It’s like he wants us homeless. Can’t believe I was duped for so many yrs. I was his meal ticket.
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I sent you a PM
Your Post is describing similar traits as my situation…yes he wants you homeless …it makes him feel he is right and justified.
Individuals that present with these behaviours often have sociopathic or psychopathic tendancies and have no emotional attachment and thus cannot see the need to support and nurture children or the supporting parent.
It is about control and winning -
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Hey there. Mine hid money too. I couldnt believe it. There was no issue or arguments about money, it was there for either of us to do what we wanted, or so i was made to believe. Make sure you get a good solicitor who has experience of these abusers. You might want to consider getting copies of his bank accounts through a court order. My ex initially wanted me and our son out the family home and said he would force the sale. They really have to empathy at all. Even for their own children. Also, i never go a penny from him through all the letters back and forth to solicitors. He continually lied and my solicitor would say, well it will cost too much take him to court. Keep digging because their arrogance makes them lazy and stupid and mine left a paper trail.
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So much my situation…
Starchild is right: they do want to see us homeless. It would make hem feel as if they have won over us. I’m beginning to realise that such people view any human interaction- even a relationship or a marriage- as a business transaction or a power play. They need to always have the upper hand and come out as top dog. Seeing others suffer only gives them a sick high.
Equanimity, equality, gratitude and respect for all years we worked and cared for them and their children means zilch to them. All that matters to them is who wins ‘today.’
They are incapable of respect, fairness or honesty. They are like a child in a sweet shop: grab, grab, grab, wanting to fill their own tummies. They don’t recognise that they are responsible for their children or indebted to us in any way. We may as well be a business rival. This is because they have a predator personality and are inherently selfish.
My ex lied about money all the way through, and his behaviour during the divorce has shown that money is all he cares about.
My ex has recently become furious because I proved some of his earnings to the CMS. But as the man on the other end of the phone said, we can’t let fathers get away with not paying.
I had a day of feeling very worried and anxious about tracing his earnings and claiming maintenance from him, as money is what enrages him: but I was thinking today how horrific and unmanly these fathers are who don’t pay and feel entitled not to. What week specimens. Think of how in ages gone by, the man used to go out to hunt to provide for his family. Now, these measly men think they can leave it all up to us, whilst they lie about and hide money, thinking that they are responsibility free. The CMS has gone through an overhaul, and they actually worked with me to trace his earnings. They want to root out these deadbeat fathers, who are destroying the futures of their children.
My financial wranglings with him aren’t over yet. My solicitor is holding back the last bit of his pay-off, waiting until he’s signed the paper that puts the house in my name. He’s not signed it yet, and seems to be stalling. Yet he’s demanding the cheque. My solicitor won’t budge. So it’s like a stand-off. Even though the court ordered hevis to transfer the property into my name, it seems he’s refusing.
I want it all completed and formalised, so I can carry on with my life in peace. I’m not into making huge amounts of money, I don’t get invigorated doing business- money doesn’t do much for me. However, my health has suffered greatly, and I don’t know what the future holds for me, so I need to fight for something for my children’s future, in case my health deteriorates.
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Financial abuse hurts!
Mine had next to nothing when we met and married. He creamed £1000s off me over the years squirrelling it away into secret accounts, buying shares and antiques and gold. He ended up with the marital home which he rattles around in. He can’t cope with maintaining it or keeping the garden. But he has no debts, I’ve got a mortgage. He still owes me a few grand, he won’t pay it despite a court order. My solicitor knew he’d conned me – just couldn’t prove it. In the end I put an end to it and accepted the lies as he told them, took what he offered and lost out financially for the sake of my life. To fight any more would have made me more ill, my daughter already had serious mental health issues from his abuse. We’d had enough.
He never paid a penny of maintenance for all the time he should have.. he never paid his ex wife either!
I heard last month he’s looking to buy a second home to rent out so it’s clear we were right about what he had stashed away.
I’m nowhere near as well off as I “should be” for my age or my work history but the following make me realise money isn’t everything
1. I’m alive
2. So is my daughter
3. I no longer see him
4. Neither does my daughter
5. I have an abuse free life
6. So does my daughter
7. We get by ok….we enjoy our treats because we earn them, we plan them and savour them and make memories
8. He’s lost friends and family
9. We’ve gained allies and deeper friendships than we ever had before
10. He’s a sad lonely old man and no amount of money can buy the love of his children and siblings or make them see him. He can’t buy their love and he’s lost their respect.When you get to the point where you hit the wall and it’s not budging and your head hurts from bashing it, then is the time to give in walk away and start living a better life, a life richer in other ways.
Good luck to everyone fighting the financial battle x*x
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Goodness me. I can relate to all of this. He’s so stupid he can’t even remember to change his address with HMRC so I get the info. I know how to request financial information, I work in the industry. It’s quite simple. I have his bank statement sent to solicitor by him. He’s omitted the other accounts I know existed so I’ve told him via solicitor how he can get copies of those.
To think when I had to make the call to the CMS I was in tears. The woman on the other end of the phone said aw don’t cry,he must pay for his children.
I can see money being transferred from my account to his. Several thousands supposed to be used to pay off his debt. It’s apparent that he spent it going to the pub and a laptop! He’s now denying he had debt! Incredible. I WILL prove his lies if I possibly can. I’ve got so much to do. I think my vocation lies in investigation lol.
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This strikes a chord with me…We weren’t married but he stashed away money, I have a battle coming up re our house, that he denies is mine (complex to explain) So yes Dragonfly, ladies…financial abuse stinks.
I’m being forced to get a solicitor which is going to cost me, as he is totally ignoring anything connected to our house agreement, like I will just conveniently.. forget..that we bought the house together, + he wouldn’t have a roof over his head now! Honestly, unbelievable! Considering he wouldn’t have had a deposit, like I’m going to buy him a house…seriously deluded.
I’m asking friends for statements to support me and find any emails I sent to them re the property etc,may this is all evidence. Although like you don’t want this battle, I’m going to give it all I’ve got, to get back what’s mine, from that snake.
Good luck and if anyone has any advice / experience to offer..we are listening!
Cx
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My ex paid his ex wife and their child so what’s wrong with this one? The one he actually sees. This may seem like a cruel statement but he knew his ex wife would die (she did and it was horrendous) so I only think he paid her because he knew it wouldn’t be for long. This became reality. Then I was left to bring up his child and our own child. I had to guide her thru the loss of her mother, puberty, try to make a home for her. She hated me from day one. I wasn’t her mother after all. This seems to count for nothing. I changed my working pattern for her, tried everything I could. He did nothing. Usually went to the pub. I had 6 yrs of that. It was a bad time for all of us, I also had a tumour in my head at the time. Maybe he thought I would die too and now that I’m actually still alive he’s panicking. OMG. And now somehow it all ends up being about money and his efforts to make us suffer.
It’s not going to happen. I won’t let it.
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This is what stresses me out the most. The financial ties that I now have to my partner (we never married and there is no way I am ever getting married again to anyone, in any case), via mortgage, huge loan for home improvements (on his suggestion, cos you know buying a house and doing it up will fix all the crud that he has done, it will make him happy and he will no longer be depressed. Yeah right!) I still feel that moving in with him was the second biggest mistake I have ever made in my life. Cannot change it though. I can so empathise with women that are lied to (oh the I only earn such and such statements, but when you see their payslips and see the “secret” savings account bank statements, they have been lying to you for a very long time), they have answers when they challenge you after accusing you of spying on them, going through their stuff (neither is true, I saw all this stuff when he asked me to find his daughter’s birth certificate in his paperwork folder, yeah me finding stuff for him yet again!), passive aggressively accusing us of being untrustworthy when hey dudes, there are three fingers pointed in your direction when you point at us. Making us pay for things directly and indirectly (oh the I am skint again excuse). I had to fork out £500 of my own money for our cat when it was sick because we have no insurance and this particular thing would not have been covered anyway. Yet he buys me “presents” from our joint bills account (I have a separate account for my own money that I earn, not all of it is joint). Fills the car he bought on a loan he got from our joint bills account, pays for this car to be fixed from aforementioned account. So very unequal. So very unfair. If I sit down and really think hard and analyse how much he owes me, sheesh…the time his children stayed with me for six months while he found a property for them to live in. Who got the child benefit and the child tax credits. Ha! Not me….
Gah!
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