Money control!

[I.dont.know.]

How can someone have (Detail removed by Moderator) sat in their bank account yet willing let their kids be driven around in a pile of c**p car that barely starts ???? And say the money can’t be touched as it’s his to for his hobby and if anything goes wrong on the house!!!!!

[KIP.]

Because that someone doesn’t care about anyone but themselves. If you’re married then half the money is legally yours. Not that he will see that. It’s just typical abuser controlling behaviour.

[Confused-and-alone]

My husband is also controlling with his money. I say his money because that’s how it feels – even though we are in business together all “our” money is kept in his name. I’m allowed to spend it but only if I use his debit card or ask for cash – it leaves me feeling like a teenager asking my parents for money or if I’m allowed to buy something. Sometimes he will go through his statements and ask me what everything is and I have to justify what I’ve spent and why. It also means if/when I leave I will have no access to any of our money which means I have to go to my parents with my begging bowl to help me start over. He also never seems to have trouble using the money for things for himself and doesn’t feel like he needs to tell me if he buys something big for himself but I feel like I can’t even make an appointment at the hairdressers without checking if I’m allowed to spend that money on myself first.

[Freedomfighter]

It’s the same with mine. He’s constantly telling me there’s no money, no savings, we barely get by from month to month.
Yet he’s had two holidays abroad in the past (Detail removed by Moderator) months, bought himself a sports car, bails his dad and our eldest out with cash yet there’s no money for repairs on the house.
I know I’ll never see a penny of the money he’s hidden away under his dad’s name, but I’m determined to have my share of the house. Apart from handing over my wages to him for decades I’m the one who buys all the paint, soft furnishings etc and does all the house work, decorating and gardening, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I’ve earned it in blood sweat and tears.
Stay strong and keep fighting for your half! Mine sees the house as his because he earns more, but does nothing. He believes he is above house work and decorating etc. Well he will have to start paying someone then, because I’m not sticking around to do it anymore.
Good luck, let your lawyer do the battling for you, they aren’t soft like us😉

[I.dont.know.]

That’s exactly how I feel, the living room carpet it’s an embarrassment, the bathroom and kitchen are also an embarrassment and in need of changing.
We can’t possibly afford to have any of that done!

Yet he can afford a very expensive hobby which has aready cost a good (Detail removed by Moderator) and he’s going to spend another (Detail removed by Moderator) in the next few months!

I never ask for anything coz he always makes me feel so guilty for asking. Yes he earns a lot more money than me but I have brought up our 2 young children single handed because that’s my job. I’m also a self employed (Detail removed by Moderator) but apparently that’s not a job it’s a hobby!! Which he complains 24/7 about me doing coz I’m not earning 50k a year!! And I’m not giving him any of my wages!

I’m also expected to cook, clean and do all the housework yet it’s never clean or tidy enough for him and I get told off for that!!

He tells me what time I have to go to bed on a night!

I honestly feel like a child, yet when push comes to shove he’s going to be clueless he has never dealt with any of the household bill and claims he doesn’t either know how to boil a god dam egg!!

[Confused-and-alone]

I.dont.know

This is exactly what my husband does – we are in a business together but he expects me to work full time hours plus do all the back office stuff like bookkeeping etc plus look after the kids take sole responsibility for arranging babysitting when we have to work weekends plus all the housework. When he takes days off it’s an unspoken rule that those days are for him – he must spend a fortune on himself and his hobbies – and I need to arrange childcare so he doesn’t have to look after them but my days off are all expected to be spent looking after the kids. Don’t get me wrong I love spending time with my girls but there is just no give and take with him. If I ever go out without he kids I get 20 questions about where I’ve been and who with – it’s exhausting.

[Clueless]

I’m with you on this! The financial abuse I receive is just totally unacceptable. I thought that’s what life was like though. (detail removed by moderator) I just didn’t have a clue. I do now through therapy and friends and family showing me how wrong it is. I work full time I always have done and it’s what I had to do because he needed to know I’m earning. We have never had a joint bank account ever. I love my job but the pay is terrible but that’s what I use to pay the children’s activities. My bills etc. I never have money left over so if I’m in need of a little extra for petrol etc he would expect me to do something in return, sexually or an extra clean of the house or he will just write an iou and put it in his wallet to remind him of the money i have borrowed! One example just a couple of weeks ago is he ‘couldn’t afford ‘ for me to join in with my daughter’s birthday. It was ten pounds! This man earns a stupid amount of money! So he went ahead and booked it for the 3 of them. I was and still very very hurt by this. But looking back it’s always been like this. This was also my punishment because I couldn’t afford to take us all out for lunch because I had just bought all of my daughter’s birthday presents. I’m so desperately trying to leave and it’s so difficult because I have no access to any of what should be our money. And stupid me signed a legal document giving him most of the house money. I’ve worked and I’ve raised 2 amazing children and put up with his c**p for all this time and I will not come out of the marriage as well as he will. He will not leave our house so I am the one who needs to uproot the children and borrow some money to find a property. I just focus on the day I am in control finally! My money and my mental health nobody else’s to destroy further. I’ve viewed a house this morning and I love it but I will need the support of my family to get us out of here.

[dustypink]

This is what I have exactly.
I have to ask for the money I want to spend on me. Sometimes he is in a good mood and offers to go for shopping and to buy something for me – shoes or jacket. But later, same evening he can tell that I am not worth it and he shouldn’t buy it.
My small and not very successfull in the last years business is just a hobby. My housework doesn’t count. All I am doing at home – resting. Even having 3 school runs, cooking, cleaning, decorating, gardening etc.
Bookkeeping I do for him – doesn’t count ofcourse.
I cant wait when all my 3 will be at school finally and I will be able to earn more.

Everyday he comes home angry and finds what I have done wrong. Or said wrong. Or looked at him in a wrong way.

I hate this but I must admit I am dependant on him a lot. I am part of the game, he couldn’t play it alone.

[Author]

Posts