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Anyone else find that the time of the month is used to explain why your relationship isn’t working, blaming difficulties or arguments in you being hormonal and unreasonable.
Does your partner blame everything on that and say you’ve gone crazy or unreasonable or making it all up and making exaggerations etc
Thing is usually I get on fine with all around me but my husband?
I have also been told that we think more clearly at this time.
What are your experiences?
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Absolutely! I bet this is so common.
My husband keeps tabs on my monthly cycle and will tell me “I knew you were going to be like this”. Whenever I’m upset or angry with him and it’s that time of the month, he’ll blame it on me being hormonal. The truth is usually that it’s his abuse that has triggered my anger or upset. Yes I do get “hormonal” and my P*S has been worse since having children, however, it only exacerbated things, it’s not the root cause of my upset with my husband! -
I have been getting told for the last year or two that it’s my menopause that’s the problem. It’s made me forgetful, it makes me over react to things. I am the one who is causing the arguments.
He forgets the previous many years that have been equally argumentative! I don’t seem to be arguing with anyone else! And yes I have flown into rages but maybe that’s because someone is talking over me, not listening, telling me not to speak in “that tone” to him, nagging me, criticising me etc etc.
There is a difference in exploding through sheer frustration and exploding because you just want your own way.
And I am forgetful – but I am coming to think that is from the FOG of constantly over thinking incidents and questioning/worrying about my choice of being with him and how he has been making me feel.
I think our hormones at whatever stage provide a convenient scapegoat. Surely a decent partner would be supportive and sympathetic, not be using it as an excuse to ply yet more guilt in you.
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It’s simply another invented excuse to abuse. Not that he needs one. He can simply make one up if he can’t use periods. They just keep changing the goal posts. It’s not you it’s him. If it wasn’t periods it would be something else, anything else. He’s abusing you and you’re trying to work out if his reasoning is justified instead of asking is his abuse justified. No it’s not. Head spinning is absolutely right. A caring partner would step up if you were struggling with any health issue. It’s telling that abusers see weaknesses including illness and a chance to escalates the abuse. They don’t have empathy.
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Love the way you’ve worded that KIP – “another invented excuse to abuse”. During the past year we have lost 2 pets and shortly after both incidents (which I dealt with alone as he refused to help as the pets were mine in the first place, how supportive) he was absolutely vile to me, 2 of the worst incidents in recent memory – but apparently I was being “over-sensitive” due to their deaths!! I could swear the second time it happened he just held on to something and decided then was the perfect reason to start as he could then “justify” it somehow as I was “all over the place emotionally”. This is the man who also refuses to wash dishes belonging to the pets. Bizarre. Hugs everyone x x
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Yes, I remember I ‘bought the wrong milk’. What a frightening outburst I had to endure. Looking back it all makes sense but at the time you’re so traumatised you can’t think straight. And your all consumed with trying to prevent another outburst that you don’t deal with them as abusers. I also broke a cheap fridge magnet. Oh boy, you’d think I’d killed someone. The anger and vitriol was terrifying but then I’m back to wondering what I did and how do I prevent it. Not working out he’s a psychopath abuser. When your free from the fog it’s glaringly obvious x
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So I’m not alone on this one, I didn’t think I would be either! I know we all get emotional but if we were that bad as you’ve all said then it would be affect everybody we are in contact with.
I wish I had a supportive husband instead I have had 2-3 weeks of your acting like this because your due your period. Or have you started the menopause?
But for me the reality is that actually I’m acting like this because of what you said or did. And I’ve worked out your words and behaviour are cruel, insensitive and unacceptable so I now have a reaction to this. Instead of just putting up with it or thinking it’s me. I’m also under lots of stress for various reasons and a emotional reaction is normal, but not to him, my emotions are irrational.
I’m wondering if maybe I’m more tolerant during the rest of the month.
He says I know you’ve got you’re period now you’re calmer, which means I’ve seen your sanitary items, he didn’t have a clue when or if until seeing them.
Even in the pill he said that was making me crazy, moody and distant. Well from what he’s suggesting nothings changed?
I can almost laugh now but at the time he sends me spiralling into depression with his lack of empathy his remarks and knowing I’m done he always backs off and the affection disappears.
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This has really struck a chord with me. If I’m struggling emotionally husband has always said it’s probably just your hormones. Which I started to wonder if it was gaslighting. He finds it almost impossible to show any empathy when I’m crying and in distress. I’m sure he used to try and comfort me but I’ve spent so many nights over the last year crying myself to sleep and he just doesn’t seem to care.
My monthly cycle had become more erratic and my moods more intense so I really felt I was being horrible and vile and didn’t deserve to be reassured and shown love but now I’ve read these replies I wonder if it’s another branch of abuse. He accuses me of being cold and unloving but has not shown me love either. I can’t remember the last time he said ‘I Love You’. It used to upset me but I’m almost relieved at the moment because I’m not sure I could say I love you too.
I also find it so hard to believe he is choosing to be like this. He doesn’t love bomb either, has never been traditionally romantic,We’ve been together such a long time and I was sure it is only recently that things have become but now knowing he has always blamed my hormones I’m wondering if I just didn’t realise.
Take care all, living like this is exhausting xx -
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