More problems with son

[Doglover99]

My son is getting more and more out of control. I still haven’t managed to make him go to school and I’m sure the letter about prosecution will come to my door at some point for failing to get him to school.

Now I discovered he had got himself a tattoo!!! He is underage but one of his new mates apparently does it so he’d done it for him. I was absolutely furious to say the least. He actually said during the argument that he does what he likes anyway which is true. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him not to do something. This is one thing that we had talked about before ages ago and I said I would consider it on his next birthday, wishing it would go away. I’d told him when he’s 18 he can do whatever he wants but until then he needs my permission. I was so upset and angry with him. What do I do with him when he just doesn’t listen to anything I say???

He has friends who are older than him, some are homeless, some go to college, most of them probably use drugs and he hangs around with them during the day when he should be at school. I am so worried that the more he spends time with them, the more likely he is going to be led astray and into the criminal world. He is so naive, stupid and immature and doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions at all.

I hope that when we get away, which hopefully will be soon, he will be calmer but if he refuses to go to school, what is he going to do? These friends of his are no good at all for him, they make it look that it’s cool to be on benefits, do nothing, have no education, no job and I don’t want him to waste his life. He is so bright but just seems to have given up and can’t be bothered with school.

What do I do to pull him back?

[KIP.]

How about a fresh start for you both. Get him out of the area too. He will only get worse while he has looked to you to get him away from his abuser, and nothing is happening. He would rather hang out with homeless drug users than be in the same house as an abuser and what’s worse, have to watch his mother abused. There is no energy or headspace left when you’re just trying to survive abuse. It must be awful for him. You need to get him away from his abuser before he can heal and find the strength to want to learn and build his self esteem. I know this sounds harsh but my son was a changed boy when our abuser was arrested and he continues to thrive. Take that leap of faith x

[Twisted Sister]

HelloDoglover99

I am so sorry to hear the difficult and distressing time you are having with your son. You want so much better for him, and when you do go you can treat it as a fresh start. Being away and getting support will bring change and i hope this will happen for you soon. Its impossible, i found, to have any boundaries when in the abuse, all respect is eroded and the energy to do positive things with your life is so drained and seems pointless. Over time and being away from it brings change. Keep talking to him, do things together to make him feel valued, read together, watch movies that raise questions that you can talk about together, that show different ways of life, and how lives change.. inspirational movies. He’s losing faith in himself and his abilities to carve out a life for himself and needs something more inspiring that unemployment and drugs

What help are you getting with your plans for getting away?

warmest wishes KS X*X

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

Sorry his still playing up for you, part of them are waiting to see when we still up for ourselves and walk away from abuse, even when u move out he will prob play up, again staty strong, continue to get support and try to keep setting boundaries, let him no that you dont approve of his behaviour when he dis respects u, give him time to reflect on his behaviour , how did it go with that house u went to view

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