Tagged: Life after abuse
25th March 2016 at 9:41 am #12202White RoseParticipant
Every so often someone posts about “will this never end” “will i ever move on”.
I want to tell you about a friend. She has 5 ranging in age adults with children of their own to late teens. She’s been married before. Quite a while ago we got chatting about her family and her life. She told me about her husband who she met over 2 decades ago after she’d fled to the other end of the country with her elder children still of school age when she was running away from a violent man. She and her children were victims of horrific domestic violence. The man she’s married to now still protects her still is the one to open the door at night, says he’ll kill her ex if he ever turns up. My friend has no fears. Her past life is behind her. She understands me but she has no baggage about her own abuse. It’s in the past she can’t change it but to me she’s proof the future can be better. She tells me her life is good and she doesn’t think of the past.
Her husband gave me their landline and mobile numbers when he knew my background. He told me to bang on the wall or shout if I ever felt afraid. I did some Diy involving a hammer and he was true to his word came round in a flash and checked on me! He also respected me when I said I wanted to get on with it myself.
When I’ve been fed up or had more electronic abuse I know they’ll both understand.
At Christmas we shared gifts and a drink and when I left he asked whether he could hug me. The teenagers and his wife had already. I was so touched he’d not assumed it would be ok but it was as I trusted him as a man. It was a big bear hug friend to friend and it made them all laugh as he is really huge (think basketball player crossed with rugby front row and add a bit more and you’ll be about right!) and I’m tiny and I ended up about 2 feet off the floor!
This friend proves to me we will get on with our lives. We may even learn to trust someone else. She’s proof that we will get there in the end.
Keep plodding on and keep positive!
Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it x*x
25th March 2016 at 11:09 am #12206
I hope one day that I can really truely leave it all in the past – and move on – and never look back……
Is it really possible to live your life and not think about what he did, not think about how it affected you and just not let him enter in to any part of your life – its hard when you have kids together – are you ever really totally free…..
If it’s hadn’t been for the way he treated me and the kids – we’d most likely still be there – and I wouldn’t be struggling financially now – but there is no point dwelling on ‘what ifs’ – we just have to live in the here and now – and make the best of what we have – try and move on and not let it all affect the person we are now.
One step at a time …..onward and upward eh….. 🙂
26th March 2016 at 2:07 pm #12292
I really really honestly think the only way I will ever move on and leave him in the past would be to get a new man – someone to occupy my time, someon someone to go out with and do things together – someone to get me out of the house and out of this rut and start LIVING again.
I just need someone to think I’m special – someone to make me feel like I’m worth caring about – and make me care anout me again too…..
26th March 2016 at 2:13 pm #12297AyannaParticipant
Nice story. Hopefully we will all be happy and content with comfortable lives in two decades, looking back at our struggles as faint memories. x*x
26th March 2016 at 3:01 pm #12301White RoseParticipant
Don’t feel you need a man to live your life M.U.M.
You can do it and if a real gent happens to come along and you learn to trust again and feel comfortable with him so be it but don’t think you can’t be happy without a man Xx
26th March 2016 at 3:37 pm #12307
I do just think that would be the one thing that would give me such a boost though – just knowing someone cared about me and wanted to spend there time with me – someone who looked forward to seeing me and I looked forward to seeing him – having someone to go out with, and to do things with, that IS what I need – to get out of the house and live again.
I need a reason to get out of bed in a morning – a reason to make myself look nice – a reason to make my house look nice – I just want to get some ‘spirit’ in me again.
The happiest time in my life (except when my kids were born) was when me and my ex first started going out together – for the first 2-3 years we were so happy – I well remember I just smiled and smiled ALL the time – I was on cloud nine – I felt like I was living a fairy-tale – everything was wonderful – everything was fun – we LIVED……. but its a long, long time now since I stopped living my life (because I was so unhappy with my ex, for years before we left him) – but Im still not living now – merely existing.
Its not that I miss my ex or what we had – I dont want him back – I never think of him now – I don’t want to see him or speak to him – I don’t need him in my life in any way, shape, or form – for I will never forgive him for what he put us through – we were all so, so unhappy.
But I just want to feel the thrill of having a relationship again – the sheer enjoyment you get out of being together. Having phone chats – texts – seeing him – going out – just a bit of courtship, that’s what I want.
Im not ready to have anyone move in – and I don’t want to live with anyone – Im not ready to sleep with anyone yet – and Im certainly not wanting to marry again – no – all I want is the companionship, that’s all I want/need right now.
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