more trouble again

[betterdays]

From my sister. She’s been sending messages to some of my old friends telling them not to bother with me. (detail removed by moderator). As soon as she gets what she wants she starts. She’s done it for years with any relationship I’ve been in. She wants me to just give my life to her and her only. Totally abandon my kids and look after her. There all the same just on the take of me but do nothing in return. X

[Serenity]

Your sister sounds very toxic!

Is she older than you? I ask, because my older sister is the same.

She wasn’t always like this. She was always very dominant, but as she has got older, she has become more bitter, and when I was going through my worst PTSD, she chose that time to be cruel.

I couldn’t understand it, as I have always supported her ( the previous year I helped her through her marriage blip) and always been kind to her kids. It caused me immense pain. So many ladies here helped me through this point. My counsellor too.

My counsellor told me that it was very important that I set up firm boundaries with my family. That I stopped thinking my identity depended upon their approval.

She made me do an exercise where I picked stones to represent people in my life. She took away the pebbles representing my family members, and asked how I felt. In fact, I told her that I didn’t in fact feel lost- because I still had the stones – representing my kids- closest to me. They were my major responsibility. And even without my kids, I was still an individual.

You don’t need your family’s approval to be a fully rounded human being and a happy success. We aren’t all born with lovely families. All you need is you and your boys, and to access positive community help and to have good friends.

It is very important that you keep your life private from those who aren’t supportive- including unkind family members.

Your sister is only showing herself to be who she really is to those she messages.

Big Hugs x*x

[Author]

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