Mountain iut of molehill?

[Kiwi]

Hi there im new & looking for some advice. I have decided to leave my husband of [number removed by moderator] yrs its been something ive wanted to do for a few years. This is a loooooong story so ill try to keep ir short. My oh has has an alcohol problem for between[detail removed by moderator] years now. I have 4 autistic children between [ages removed by moderator]. Im struggling over whether im making a big issue over nothing. His life is go to work come home lie on couch few beers 2 nights he take 1 of the boys to footy practice then comes the weekend. Wow my whole family dread it! He gets p****d fri night goes 2 footy sat morn comes home gets p****d again till he goes to bed sunday night. He does the least he can get away with. He hides drink then when i question it he tells me it was from such & such a time when i know it wasnt. He us horrible to me. This weekend was a classic example of how things go sat he went to visit a mate in the car. I busied myself doing the handyman work that he thinks is my job! & worrying about whether he was coming home drunk.Came home & i knew he’d been drinking. I asked him why when he was driving. It was 1 beer. Anyway i knew it wasnt. Eventually it ended in an arguement as always which carried on the whole day. He f hates me, i need to lay off him, its the weekend hes entitled to a drink. Hes leaving me, he gets right in my face & screams how much of an a******e i am. Following me around the house pick pick picking just to get a reaction. I decided to get the wee 1s ready & take them out for some peace. I quietly asked him when the kids were outside to be gone by the time i got back to which i got more grief. Whilst out i got txt from my oldest asking me to give dad another chance. My son never leaves his room so he’d obviously went up & been saying things to my son. Oh was asleep on couch when i came back so left him. My son has a tendency to laugh at things which aren’t funny its part of hus condition & oh knows this. So my son says dad had been telling him how hes leaving & he cant put up with me any longer blah blah so mu son has been sniggering & he says this made dad even angrier he punched wall & started screaming like a girl! I never pulled him up about it as he was asleep & i was glad of the peace to be honest. When he woke it was all the sorries if the day for 10 mins. I didn’t acknowledge him so all hell broke loose. I deliberately tried to keep my mouth shut( apparently im a mouthy kow too)& not argue back just asked him to leave. He was in my face shouting again i asked him to take a step back which made him come closer. I was by this time pinned in corner of kitchen. He was trying to goad me into calling police knowing fine i wouldnt as my oldest has a terrible fear if them due to an incident with oh years ago. So he told my 2 oldest kids i was a w***e & had affairs & its my fault he drinks. I told him just to get out or i was calling police to which he replied if they knock on my door ill be getting lifted for something cos ill batter f*** out you! My oldest then stepped in & he backed off but still screaming obscenities at me. This happens probably about 45 weekend out of 52. He isnt nasty like that when hes sober but there are little things that are quite subtle. When i look at how i was as a person 5 yrs ago till today im really sorry ive stayed so long. My dad was an abuser & alcoholic. He beat my mum a lot & as a child i was terrified for her. I resented my mother for a long time for keeping us there. She is still with him & i look at their relationship & think thats how mine is headed. I actually feel guilty writing this for some reason. I made a list of reasons to stay which are a whole 2 & reasons to go which is about 10 times the length! But something is telling me we’re not my parents & to stay for the kids but i felt awful as a child worrying about my mum.

[Confused123]

Hey Hun

I was married to an acholoic, these men will just up the abuse, get support by calling womens aid and leave this man, u clearly ding everything more or less, when we with them we say no way out, by speaking to professionals u can get out, u dontt need to feel guilty and stay for kids, i made that mistake now my son is emotional effected and mirror ex behaviour even though i have left him, again u r in the pattern of breaking the cycle, so get out and get the help u and your kids need, it only gets worser, your kids need u to be strong for yourself and them and get u all away from this abuser. I thought it was impossible , i was so drained in end, even when ex did detox, which he treated like a joke, my ex support worker was like must be so hard u must need support, i was so used to abuse i was like and why would i need support , used to think just get himm of the drink and that will be my help, dont turn into zombie like me and not even be able to identify the abuse in the end, post as much as u need to on here the ladies r brill and offer loads of support . U dont need to tell him u r leaving either, make a plann with the correct support agencies which womens aid should guide u , protect yourself every step of way, if u can get him removed from house even better

[Soupy]

Good luck gettin out of there, there’s support for you and you know it’s the right thing to do. He only wants what makes his life easier – it sounds like he’s forgotten what it is to love and respect someone and you deserve more x

[Author]

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